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OK, so I'm bored... This ain't too bad tho.

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  • OK, so I'm bored... This ain't too bad tho.

    Can't remember if I've posted the 2nd one... If I have, just ignore it...B-)

    >Recently a "Husband Shopping Centre" opened in Dallas, where women
    >to choose a husband from among many men.
    >It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive
    >attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door
    >to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; If you went up a
    >you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.
    >A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some
    >First floor
    >The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids. "The
    >women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a
    >job, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they
    >Second floor
    >The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and Are
    >extremely good looking." Hmmm, said the ladies. But, I wonder what's
    >further up?
    >Third floor
    >This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good
    >looking, love kids and help with the housework." Wow! Said the women.
    >Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up! And up they went.
    >Fourth floor
    >This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, Love
    >kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have A
    >streak." Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further
    >So up to the fifth floor they went.
    >Fifth floor
    >The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to
    >prove that women are Fucking impossible to please.


    These questions about Australia were supposedly posted on an Australian
    Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,
    so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
    contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.

    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a
    list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does
    not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings
    Cross. Come naked.

    8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
    we'll send the rest of the directions.

    9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
    is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every
    Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    11.Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    12Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
    you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    13.Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    14.Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female
    population is smaller than the male population?(Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    15.Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    16.Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
    A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

    17.Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

    18.Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
    rattlesnake serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
    Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and
    make good pets.

    19.Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget
    its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum
    trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can
    scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out

    21.Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact
    the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    22.Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
    Aim high and consider yourself worthy of great things

  • #2
    that was pretty good. thanks Notorious B.