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How to be a Perth motovlogger

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  • How to be a Perth motovlogger

    Hi everyone,

    It can be hard to get started in moto vlogging, and I feel we are underrepresented here in Perth. So I want to encourage more people into this hobby. Here's my crash course in moto vlogging.

    First, you need a dank intro. It's important this is a still photo of your bike, it really helps the viewer know what you ride. To have a still photo of your bike you need a bike. Preferably, this should be a ninja 250 or 650. If it's a 650 you need to make a note in your video description that you've removed the throttle stop so it's basically an R-class bike.

    Once you've got your photo, you need to add some text so people know what's going on. You should tell them it's a motovlog, and your name. This information can be hard to find elsewhere. I recommend microsoft word, it has some powerful video editing capabilities when used well. After some work, it should look like this:

    Now we need to talk gear. You need to be positively ATGATT, but only wear textiles and short, non gauntlet style gloves. It's best if you have adventure-bike uncle hi vis stripes and shit.

    Avoid that junk on the right. You'll look like you're into BDSM, and mothers will discreetly shuffle their daughters away from you when you walk past in the shopping center.

    Here's where it starts getting tricky. You need to record your exploits, but be careful, because nice video quality and audio can really detract from your content. Unfortunately, most good action cameras available have video quality far in excess for what you want for your Perth motovlog, but we can fix this! Here's what you'll need:

    Tape, sunscreen (vaseline also works) and your action camera.

    Tape up the microphone. Don't use an in helmet mic. Those are for gimps.

    Next, apply sunscreen liberally. This keeps your video quality managable, and has the bonus of protecting your camera from UV.

    Now, your camera is ready to capture the adventure you're about to go on. You need to fix it at a slightly awkward angle to your helmet.

    You're all ready! Start recording and go riding. Talk about literally anything. Like how to get the licence you got three months ago, how you target fixated into your neighbor's cat, or what you're having for dinner. Bonus mode, do some everyday shit in a quirky manner, all while wearing your camera equipped helmet, and add that to the footage too!

    If you follow this post's instructions good fortune, safe hi-vis riding and up to 120 views may come to you. Godspeed!

  • #2
    Also start a thread about how you crashed, looking for 'props' from other forum members, then when the thread backfires and they tell you you're a fucking idiot say you only started the thread as a warning to others so they don't make the same mistake.


    • #3
      Now for the actual act of motovflogging: you must be overly judgemental and criticise everyone else's riding/driving while exhibiting poor roadcraft yourself - but it is mandatory this happens after you've just mentioned in the previous sentence that you're still on your LAMS. There is to be no irony/sarcasm/contradictory tone in one's holier than thou voice while going through this mandatory, pivotal point of a motovflogger's life.


      • #4
        With the inane things they discuss, are motovloggers actually just on their commute to their employment as a hairdresser...?


        • #5
          Is it advisable to be a dickhead before you start motovlogging? Or is it a skill you pick up? Same question applies to talking with your hands while riding
          Rest in Peace



          • #6
            I cant help it if your perceptions don't match my reality


            • #7
              + must have aftermarket fart can on ninja250 and lams licence for at most 3 months.
              Originally posted by Paraletic
              little end bearing. best describes as the sound of 'A little black man with a hammer in your engine'. big end sounds like a bigger black man...


              • #8
                Are you using metal utensils on a non-stick Teflon pan?

                Sorry, after such a rookie error I simply can't trust a word you say.

                Of course, I'm far too experienced to be bothered to show you how it's done, so you'll just have to learn bad habits from other motofloggers.
                For LAMS information and resources -
                For LAMS discussion and to ask questions -


                • #9
                  Don't forget to title your Youtube videos clearly with the range of interesting stuff you did in the video so we get a head's up never to watch it, e.g. ELWOODS VLOG / I ALMOST DIED! / FILTERING IS LEGAL / WHY CORN FLAKES SUCK


                  • #10
                    cover your bike in stickers so it looks as shit as possible


                    • #11
                      Vloggers are kinda cute really, it's like watching a kid learn to walk, except rather than bumping their head when they inevitably fall over, moto vloggers get smooshed into the tarmac by a 10 tonne truck, or wrap themselves around some roadside feature (tree, wall, parked car)

                      Originally posted by Aufitt
                      Try Para045, he definitely sounds all gooey in the fork for ya


                      • #12
                        actually you know what we might have stumbled onto something big here, motorcycles and food. you could be the first food blogger moto vlogger. Epic rides at the speed limit getting angry and talking about yourself during pointless stories and rants followed by inappropriate use of kitchen utensils creating packet fast food
                        I cant help it if your perceptions don't match my reality


                        • #13
                          Also, remember to maximise wind noise for credibility because verLflpfplfLFpffl fpflpfplfs lpspl splfplfFLPFPLFLPfpl cars pflplfpflslfplsfplf lpsflpfsppfpplfsplplpfpl pflslpflpflpfsplpsfplfplsfplfplfsplsfpls in the boot of plsfplspf gplsplfpalflfpal broccolli pfpfsplfplfplfpslpfls splfpslf and slowing down plfplflps so when you come to a stop, people can reaslise what you were talking about, but then you take off agai..plflpf fpfplfplfsplfplfpslfpflp fp flpflpfplflpfplfplflf pslfpslpsflspsflpsfplflsplflp motor plfplfsplfpslfpslfsplfpalpflsppslsplfpsl sfpls f beep beep fplsplfsplfpsfl spflspfslpflspfspflslpfpls


                          • #14
                            Thanks for your input guys. There's some great advice in this thread!

                            Here's some more quick tips:

                            1) Action cameras can make things seem further away than they are. Compensate for this by speeding up when someone pulls out on you, before braking and rev-bombing them, before talking about how fucking stupid literally everyone is in your vlog.
                            2) The right lane is for you, even though you're under the speed limit. Make sure you're in the right wheel track as well.
                            3) Your opinion is pretty much the law, and you should speak about issues with confidence, even though you've only had your licence for 3 months.
                            4) Don't just stop at putting stickers on your bike, get your own stickers made and give one of your videos 120 viewers the chance to win some! Wow! Exclusive!
                            [MENTION=5329]Barfridge[/MENTION], if it makes you feel any better the Teflon was burnt off it ages ago


                            • #15
                              We've seen the making-a-sandwich-whilst-riding video... but I've not seen one for tacos... opportunity?

                              Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.