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Church of Desmodromica

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  • Church of Desmodromica

    This was found in a forum and E-mailed to me
    Author = Unknown


    Yea, and though I walk in the valley of darkness, I shall fear no Aprilia Mille or RC-51, for mine is a righteous and holy bike, for thus spaketh the Lord to me from on high, saying... Thou shalt modify thy stock airbox and lose thy restrictive air filter, for it is unholy. Thou shalt install cold-air duct and foam Pipercross. Thou shalt whooosh and roar. Thou shalt remove thine stock exhaust, and ensconce it in thy holy shrine/garage. Thou shalt now smite thine enemies with thy custom exhaust, and weareth earplugs in thine ears. And thou shalt limp past the law, with thy noise and fury. Thou shalt explore the outer limits of braking deep into thy corners, and backfire and hurl fireballs from thy tailpipe. Thou shalt marvel that none dare tailgate thee. Thou shalt seeketh Keith Code, and revel in his wisdom. Thou shalt installeth thine Unimap and kiss thy rev limiter goodbye. Thou shalt exorcise thy handling demons and cast down thy Dunlop D207's, for they carry the Mark of the Beast. Thou shalt empty thy savings upon springs, shocks, camshafts, jet kits, sliders, reverse shifters, and race rubber, and thou shalt revel in tire wear. Thou shalt remain joyous whilst jostling thine innards upon every road imperfection. Thou shalt not early-apex. Thou shalt void thy warranty, that the evil minions of the foul motorcycle dealers shall not besmirch thy plastic with scratches, thy wheels with gouges, overfilleth thine oil sump, ruin thy bolts or weareth thy valves with low clearances. Thou shalt purchase one large double bubble fly screen, that the heathen may further marvel at what beauty thou hath wrought. Thou shalt weareth full one-piece leathers and Arai helmet. Thou must not visit early due to crash. Thou shalt purchase heavy fork-oil, for thine is too meek. Thou shalt marvel at the ease of installation. Thou must have pristine tool collection. Thou shalt install Ferodo CP911 brake pads upon thy stock calipers, so that they may give forth their fruits more quickly. Thou shalt pray and asketh for warped rotors nevermore. Thou shalt feed thy 2 cylinders well that they might service thee better. Thou shalt revel in the power of regular gasoline. Thou shalt spend less at the gas station than thy cage-dwelling brethren. Thou shalt quest for the likes of a turbo, and someday installeth one under thine tank. Thou shalt run unholy (just this once) boost levels. And thus thou shalt humiliate thine enemies, both at the track and in the streets. Thou shalt lose thy emission crap, passenger seat, and all other extra weight. Thou shalt become compulsive about this. Thou shalt seek professional counseling. Thy horsepower is now mighty. Thou shalt belong to Ducati Index forum, and adorn thy bike with undercostly stickers, so that thy fellow road warriors might revel in thine glory with thee and seek the righteous path of DI membership for themselves. And lastly..... Let us pray, Thou shalt not ever covet thy neighbor's 'busa.
    It's better to be thought stupid than open your mouth and remove all doubt

    Pure speed in sixth gear on a 5,000 foot straightaway is one thing, but pure speed in third gear on a gravel-strewn, downhill, ess turn is quite another.
    Hunter S. Thompson

  • #2
    Well written !
    ( someone has to much time on thy handth ! )
    In The PSB Garage
    The build/tidy thread


    • #3
      I seem to recall that back when I first found PSB (early to mid 2006) someone had a rewritten version of that bible passage quoted in Pulp Fiction as their signature.

      Something about "I shall strike down with great vengeance and furious anger, and snatcheth thy wingmirror" and such.

      Was a good laugh, and if anyone remembers it, I'd love to read it again.