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CJWTK - Fucked up family members

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  • CJWTK - Fucked up family members

    Settle in kids, this is going to be fucking epic.

    The tl;dr version: My sister is a sociopathic fuckwit. Please share your similar stories, or offer me your advice.

    The long version follows:

    In April of this year, life in Cameronville was pretty awesome. I had a great new job with people I really liked, we were finally settling in to our house, repainting and really making it our own and my wife was getting on well at her job. The only thing that really could have improved this situation was if I could shit cupcakes. Now that would have been sweet.

    My mother and sister were heading down from Canada. My mother to visit, and my sister to come and live with us. She had been in a boarding school up there, had apparently fallen in with the wrong crowd, started drinking too much, smoking too much and generally being a fuckhead. Being expelled for smoking too much weed and sleeping until midday is not a wise thing when you're already two years behind the education curve. However, Claire (the sister in question) explained that other people had influenced her, she was lonely, miserable and desperately wanted to come back to Australia. She'd turn over a new leaf, become a better person and we could all be very proud of her.

    We agreed that she would stay with me, I would keep a roof over her head and she would be a constructive member of society. She would work, or study, or do both. Something to show that she was keen to better herself. Upon agreeing to these terms, I granted her access to my small kingdom.

    We met my mother for breakfast in Mundaring. We sat, ate, drank, and contemplated the six hour drive ahead of us back to Kalgoorlie. With three people and three complete sets of luggage, it was going to be a tight squeeze, but my many years of playing Tetris paid off and I managed to stuff the little Mazda to the gills with people and parcels.

    Just before we squeezed ourselves in amongst the bindles and chaos, I offered Claire an out. I took her cigarettes off her and threw them away. I asked her if she was carrying any weed on her, or anything else. She said no. I stressed to her that highway patrols can, and will search my fucking car, and if she had anything on her person that could possibly land my ass in the shit, she needed to hand it over, lest she face my wrath. Again, she promised that nothing was being hidden from me, as was the nature of our agreement.

    We got in the car and had a fairly uneventful drive back to Kalgoorlie. My wife watched some movies, I drove and listened to music. I wondered what kind of person we could help her be and hoped that she could get herself settled in easily enough.

    We did what we could to help her settle in. Sorted her out with a computer to work with, gave her some space in the house and hooked her up with a good job through a close friend of ours. The first few weeks seemed to go really well.

    Then I found the weed and the pipe she brought from Perth with her. It couldn't have been bought locally, she didn't know anybody at that point, so she'd had it with her the whole time. I confronted her and suggested as gently as I could, that it was going to be a problem if she lied to me. She promised this would not happen again, but the gloss was wearing off. I asked if she was smoking again (being underage, I had sworn her off this in my home) and she swore that she was not. I knew this was bullshit, but didn't call her on it. I just needed to know how comfortable she was feeding me the lies, and how many of the promises she made before moving in she planned on keeping.

    A month or two went by. She seemed to be straightening up. She was working a lot, starting to put a little money away and meeting a few new friends. I was proud of her. She turned 18 during this time and was telling me how much she liked what she was doing and how glad she was to be away from all those bad influences in Canada. This was in complete contrast to what she was telling everybody else. Apparently she hated living with us and desperately missed the people she knew in Bumblefuck Saskatchewan. I knew she was bullshitting me, but I couldn't let on. Maybe she was just going through a tough time and needed to vent to people? We would soon see.

    Claire started going out all night. She was now an adult, this shouldn't have been a problem, but she was doing this on Monday nights, Tuesday, Wednesday.... I was starting to see a pattern forming. She was also living under the roof provided freely by my wife and I, so I figured I should step in and offer some words of wisdom.

    As gently as I could, I explained that she probably shouldn't be getting wasted every weeknight, especially as she'd now exhausted any funds she might have put away and was back to living paycheque to paycheque. The cheques were also getting a lot smaller, thanks to her not turning up for shifts. I was happy to have her live with me, but she needed to specifically not be a drop kick. She seemed at this point to be intent on repeating the behaviour that got her kicked out of a school, and then kicked out of an entire country.

    I was keeping pretty close tabs on her at this point. She was working with very good friends of ours, so anything of concern would get back to me. She was socializing with people I loosely know, so pretty much all that got back to me as well. While I'm not proud of it, I was also keeping a close eye on my network traffic. I still feel a bit grotty about the cyber-eavesdropping, but at the time I thought that if I saw a bad situation coming, I could have done something to stop it. How foolish I was.

    While at work she would brag constantly about blowing off classes in Canada to go get stoned out her mind, and how awesome that was. She'd tell people how difficult it was living with her brother and his wife (which I felt was almost cute, considering she wouldn't be talking to those people at all if we had not given her the job), and generally prattled on about various debauchery. Bravo kid.

    I really got worried when she started spinning some mighty dramatic tales for her friends to gain sympathy for her situation. Each of them got a different version of events. She would invent psychiatric conditions she had (self diagnosed, of course) and explain them in detail to her cretinous pals for sympathy points. She invented more tales to tell our mother (who is still living in Canada) for more attention, and she stopped speaking to me altogether, only confronting me when she specifically wanted something from me, like I was a live-in manservant.

    It became apparent that she was telling people exactly what they wanted to hear, just to get what she wanted from them. Putting this together with her actions over the last few months, it was evident she'd pulled the same trick on me. Wanting to get out of Canada, wanting to find work, wanting to study. It was all complete and utter bullshit. This upset me, I wanted to pick her up and turf her out. I felt betrayed (which is rich considering the covert methods I employed) but now at least I knew what I was up against.

    I just didn't know how to fix it.

    Should I confront her again? Should I let her go about her ways and try to gently push her in the right direction? I needed to dwell upon it and contemplate my next move.

    While I was contemplating, she got worse. Started doing a lot of drugs and almost complete weeks would pass by without me seeing her at all. I was getting more worried, but what exactly could I do? She was making some pretty fucking bad choices, but she was an adult. It was sadly also illegal for me to smack the 'stupid' out of her.

    I confronted her again, gently. I told her that she was well and truly on the path to Stupidsville and needed to square her shit away. She needed to stop skipping shifts at work, or they'd fire her fucking ass. She needs to get her head screwed on and re-think the people she's hanging out with, or she'd find herself with fucking nothing. I left her to chew on that for a bit.

    The all night benders carried on. We had cops knocking on our door asking after her (she got into a habit of leaving her ID in odd bars) and then, to top it all off, she started bringing jobless, fuckwit, drug fucked morons into my home.

    Junkie fucks. In. My. Home. That dog won't hunt, Monsignor.

    For the last time, I confronted this kid. I had returned from my fishing trip walking on god-damn sunshine. I wasn't going to let her ruin my shit any longer. She walked in the front door with one of these tragically hip emo fucktards in tow, looked at me and said: "Oh.. how was the trip?"

    "Great" I said, "Now you need to find somewhere else to live. You're treating my wife and I like shit, you only speak to me when you think there's something in it for you, and you're bringing these fuckheads into my house..." Said fuckhead extends his hand towards me and begins to introduce himself.
    "Uh, I'm-"
    "I don't care, chucklehead. Too little, too late. You can get the hell out. Claire, you've got two weeks to find yourself somewhere else to be. Your friends are fucking losers, you're doing way too many drugs, you're destroying yourself and you're being a fucking idiot. You're lying to every single person you know, including me and I cannot have you in the house while you're doing this. Find somewhere else to be, now go, I don't want to look at you."

    She wandered off to her room. I didn't see her for a week. My wife caught her dragging the afore mentioned junkie fuck through my home again and reminded her she had five days left to get the hell out. I think up until that point she had not believed that I was terminating her stay in my domain.

    Three weeks ago, she was out of my house, but not so far out of my reach. I'm trying to keep an eye on her from the sidelines, but I now know full well that I cannot trust a single word she says. I've spoken at length about the issue with our mother, who has had many different versions of events from Claire. All of which differ from the truth, which is what we've managed to piece together with personal experience and some minor detective work.

    Claire could be a smart kid. She has potential. She is choosing to waste it though. It's not like she doesn't know what she's doing, she knows full well and is exploiting other people to keep herself in a perpetually stupified state. The real kicker was the pregnancy rumour.

    I heard it myself from a solid source, the same solid source that just fired her ass for never turning up to work. I've done some investigation, and it seems to be untrue, but it's a rumour she has been perpetuating herself for at least five months. This I don't quite understand. I almost understand some of the other shit she's been spinning for people, but to tell people you're trying to score off that you're knocked up? I have no fucking idea what she's trying to achieve there. Maybe, just maybe it's some sort of elaborate method to try and get sympathy or support from our mother? Thankfully, Mum now knows that Claire can't be trusted quite as far as she can be thrown.

    The whole thing deeply saddens me. My mother did her best for 17 years to put the kid on the right track. I had six months to try helping out too, but we couldn't do it.

    Maybe some people really are just 'wired' wrong.

    Big ups to anybody that actually read all that shit... any words of wisdom or other stories of family woe would be appreciated.

    **edit: Cliffnotes version, as requested, then demanded under threats of violence.
    - Sister gets kicked out of canadian school for being a stoner fuckhead.
    - Promises to straighten herself out and comes to live with Cameron.
    - Gets somewhere to live, a job, and everything else laid on so she can get her shit together.
    - Lies through her teeth to everybody involved since day 1.
    - Turns down counselling offers along the way, because she clearly *wants* to be a junkie dropkick
    - Spreads bizarre rumours for reasons that completely escape all involved.
    - Has no job, no future, gets kicked out of our house after dragging antisocial emo stoner fuckheads into the place at 3am on a regular basis.
    - Cameron is now happy, but just doesn't understand this odd compulsion she has to go completely out of her way to be a deadshit.
    such comment
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  • #2
    yeah my familys pretty sweet, thnx tho


    • #3
      Originally posted by lee View Post
      yeah my familys pretty sweet, thnx tho

      Will sweeten the deal with punch and pie.
      such comment
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      • #4
        Fucked up mate.

        Not that I've been in a similar situation, but I've seen it. And tragically there's fuck all you can do when someone is so hell bent on self destruction - except refuse to be part of it.

        This you've done, and whilst you may feel like a right cunt for doing it and have a tendency to play "what if" and "I should have let her stay" for whatever else goes wrong from here - this post and the ones that have led up to it over the last few months kinda show that you've pretty much done all you can.

        Good on you, good luck to her - but better luck to you from now on.
        "Once upon a time we would obey in public, but in private we would be cynical; today, we announce cynicism, but in private we obey."


        • #5
          In all seriousness, can you provide cliffnotes pls?


          • #6
            One of my best mates is heading down this path ... it saddens me deeply that i can't/don't know how to help. He hangs out with fucktards who drag him down deeper!


            • #7
              yeh im sure a vast majority of people have 'soap opera' style lives one way or another...

              ... makes for interesting conversations
              A nut is not a nut til it is cracked


              • #8
                Originally posted by lee View Post
                In all seriousness, can you provide cliffnotes pls?
                Will work on that when I get home, sorry
                such comment
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                • #9
                  Maybe take her for a drive down to hay st, and show her where that path goes...

                  Maybe something happened to her at some point that sent her off the rails. Everyone handles things differently.

                  It's pretty frustrating seeing a sibling go through something like that. I've found when dealing with someone acting so irrationally, it's hard to know what to do. Sometimes all they need is a wake-up call, but what might wake one person up (trip to see some fucked up junkie hookers for example), might send someone else further off the rails.

                  Good luck to you mate...
                  No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation to detail.


                  • #10
                    Many years ago a bloke was headed down the same path.
                    His family and real friends couldn't reach him.
                    In desperation, his mother called the cops on him.
                    Best thing that ever happened to him.


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by 19andrew59 View Post
                      In desperation, his mother called the cops on him.
                      Can't tell you how close I am to this.
                      such comment
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                      • #12
                        Sounds like your've done the right thing mate. You cant force someone to do something, and she probably cant see that she is fucking up her life, especially since drugs are involved.

                        She needs to learn the hard way... Just keep an eye on her from a distance and wait until she bottoms out in the gutter.. Only then will she listen to your advice and be thankfull of your kindness.
                        10.81 BLADE

                        I'm a flirtalicious


                        • #13
                          sounds like she really depends on someone else looking after her, and gettin her out of trouble. either way theres nothing you can do beyond what you have done. Let her see that you have drawn the line. if she has drugs in your the cops. i hate involving cops at best of times, but she obviously not thinking about you and yours any. a few hours in Kal lock up will give her thinking time, a few weeks in Bandyup even better. it's her life, she has made the choices.
                          euphoric, ZRX1200R, XSR900, XR400


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by euphoric View Post
                            sounds like she really depends on someone else looking after her, and gettin her out of trouble.
                            Oddly enough, the "why can't somebody else look after me?" mantra has been repeated, a lot, word for fucking word.
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                            • #15
                              You tried to do in 6 months what your mother couldn't do in 17 years. Think about it.

                              You are a saint in that you provided far more than many of us on here would have done in a similar situation. But, you have your own life, your life partner, and you don't need this sibling ruining all that for you.

                              Shut the door, change the locks, move on. She has not appreciated anything you have done for her, and unlikely to ever do so.
                              Last edited by FJ Steve; 22-10-2007, 05:52 PM.
                              Originally posted by Viper
                              I'm probably fucking something up.
                              FOREVER RIDING WITH "DAVO" - FarRider #1