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Alerts to threats in 2011 europe

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  • Alerts to threats in 2011 europe

    Sorry if it's a repost, I really enjoyed this.

    ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

    The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

    Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

    -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
    Customer: Look, there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.
    Bernard: Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taverna in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hopit.

  • #2
    Cleese is usually good reading. I like this one
    '====
    //`
    -Magilla
    They observe my perambulations upon my gyroscopically-balanced personal transportation device, and I perceive at my core that they have thus concluded that I am Caucasian, and, while intelligent, I am also somewhat socially inept. - Peculiar Alfred
    Eligible to shadow R & R-E NOW

    Comment


    • #3
      I think that one's been around since about the Falklands, but it's still a good read!

      And now I feel like a barbie
      For LAMS information and resources - http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...thread-156358/
      For LAMS discussion and to ask questions - http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...thread-143289/

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Barfridge View Post
        I think that one's been around since about the Falklands, but it's still a good read!

        And now I feel like a barbie
        The barbie is cancelled, Clarke is the skipper of the Australian test team
        DO NOT TOUCH - Probably the most unsettling thing to read in braille.

        Comment


        • #5
          I know, it's a tragedy in the making. Take a guy in the middle of a huge form slump, then throw the pressure of the captaincy at him.

          He'll be shitting bricks, I can't see it ending well
          For LAMS information and resources - http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...thread-156358/
          For LAMS discussion and to ask questions - http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...thread-143289/

          Comment


          • #6
            They did what, now?
            '====
            //`
            -Magilla
            They observe my perambulations upon my gyroscopically-balanced personal transportation device, and I perceive at my core that they have thus concluded that I am Caucasian, and, while intelligent, I am also somewhat socially inept. - Peculiar Alfred
            Eligible to shadow R & R-E NOW

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Magilla View Post
              They did what, now?
              don't want to thread hijack, so new thread in news flash : http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...kipper-125644/
              DO NOT TOUCH - Probably the most unsettling thing to read in braille.

              Comment

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