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Basic Rules for Driving in Perth
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Perth driver
never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered
"going with the flow"
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance
you have of getting hit
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose
6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure
that your ABS brake kicks in, giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and
are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour
8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a short cut during rush hour traffic in Perth
9. Always slow down and rubber neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially
4WD drivers
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Perth is the home of high speed slalom driving thanks to the MRD, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is traditional in Perth to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes or the boom gates go up
13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way
14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and
leftbefore proceeding
15. Remember that the goal of every Perth driver is to get there
first, by whatever means necessary
16. Real Perth women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75kmh in bumper to bumper traffic
17. Real Perth men can remove pantyhose's and a bra at 75kmh in bumper to bumper traffic
18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are gods way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards and new vehicle sales
19. There is a common held belief in Perth that high speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front
20. It's ok to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and
buses because they have brakes
21. It is the essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his
passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Coolbelup, Balga, Hilton and Northbridge
22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street
23. It's ok when driving in Perth's North Eastern suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming "ass hole". But it is imperative you are driving at least a 5litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Perth driver
never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered
"going with the flow"
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance
you have of getting hit
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose
6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure
that your ABS brake kicks in, giving a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and
are apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour
8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a short cut during rush hour traffic in Perth
9. Always slow down and rubber neck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tire
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially
4WD drivers
11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Perth is the home of high speed slalom driving thanks to the MRD, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes.
12. It is traditional in Perth to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes or the boom gates go up
13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way
14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and
leftbefore proceeding
15. Remember that the goal of every Perth driver is to get there
first, by whatever means necessary
16. Real Perth women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75kmh in bumper to bumper traffic
17. Real Perth men can remove pantyhose's and a bra at 75kmh in bumper to bumper traffic
18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are gods way of ensuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards and new vehicle sales
19. There is a common held belief in Perth that high speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front
20. It's ok to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and
buses because they have brakes
21. It is the essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his
passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around Coolbelup, Balga, Hilton and Northbridge
22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one way street
23. It's ok when driving in Perth's North Eastern suburbs to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming "ass hole". But it is imperative you are driving at least a 5litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.
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