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What really happens in IT

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  • What really happens in IT

    How fucking true is this shit.....

    What really happens in IT.

    When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.


    Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from our video recording.

    When an IT person says they're coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords.


    When IT Support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.


    When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill
    your problems right out. We don't even like eating food, we exist only
    to serve.


    Send urgent e-mail all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
    flags it as a rush delivery.


    When we do something as a favour in our own time at our own expense,
    feel free to criticize us. That's OK, we don't expect you to lift
    anything or get under your Desk. Manual labour was part of our IT degree.

    When the photocopier doesn't work, call Computer Support. There's
    electronics in it.


    When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call Computer
    Support. We can fix your telephone line from here.


    When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's
    chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem.
    We love a puzzle.

    When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges
    in them, argue. We love a good argument.

    When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in
    scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by
    shortly?" That motivates us.

    When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print
    jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still
    won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the
    company. One of them is bound to work.

    Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what
    is meant by "my thingy blew up".


    When you call someone in to fix a problem - but don't tell them about
    the other 10 problems until they physically arrive. That's OK - we can
    clear our schedule for the rest of the day.


    Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps. When your application
    can't do what you want... blame us, we write all the software that runs
    on your PC and can customise it on the fly. Bill Gates lets us do this.
    Remember the IT guy doesn't need to think - he has seen every problem
    before.


    If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog,
    lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were
    designed to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.


    If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the
    mail/NT/network upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a
    pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.


    When you find an IT person on the phone, sit uninvited on the corner of
    their desk and stare at them until they hang up. Feel perfectly free to
    say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap." We
    don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to
    as crap.


    When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT
    Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and
    Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional
    engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.


    When you think the Network/E-mail/Office application is going slow, call
    us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to its normal speed.

    When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to
    call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
    third party who doesn't know about the problem.
    The instant you call us (on our mobile) - we can see what's happening on
    your screen and can solve it instantaneously.

    Be aware that IT people don't need to use the toilet. So you have a
    right to be upset if we don't answer the phone.


    When you receive a 30MB movie file, send it to everyone as a mail
    attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.


    When an IT person gets in the lift pushing £100,000 worth of computer
    equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice, "Good grief, you take
    the lift to go DOWN one floor?"

    And finally, always remember.... we were sitting there waiting for your
    call.. The whole day!!!
    Right now Im having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

  • #2
    VERY true!
    ...having dinner with KARMA tonight...

    Comment


    • #3
      Sounds like a certain university I can think of... now which one was it...?
      Meow.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hey Chookie ...


        I didnt see you at my school today ... I didnt even know you knew where I worked ...

        WOW ... THATS DESCRIBED IT TO A TEE!

        Good work mate ... Im stickin this one on my Office door!

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: What really happens in IT

          When you think the Network/E-mail/Office application is going slow, call us as we have a button to press that makes it go back to its normal speed.
          This one several times today


          I'm laughing 'cos I recognize all of it, but quietly crying too because sadly it's all true.

          Oh and don't forget - anytime an IT person is seen anywhere with a box that might contain a new PC, every single goddamn person that passes (or runs into the building specifically to join in) has to say "Hey, can I have that? mine's a piece of shit"



          Comment


          • #6
            typical whinging desktop support officers..get back to work!
            you're there to support everything on and around the desk space.

            we network/comms do the real problem solving


            :twisted:

            Comment


            • #7
              typical whinging desktop support officers..get back to work!
              you're there to support everything on and around the desk space.

              we network/comms do the real problem solving


              :twisted:
              whooooaaaa .... slow down their poindexter ...

              Who said we were ALL "support Orrifices"?????

              Some of us are also Systems and Cisco Network Administrators ... but what can you do ... when people have a little information, its a dangerous things ... I love it when they tell you what the problem is ... and you know its not the problem ... so you use a little program called VNC and take control of their computer ... all the while telling them its probably a virus or trojan in their system and someone can take control at any time .. (at this point ... start moving their cursor and go to an interesting site ... like ... www.warez.com)

              HAHAHAHAHA

              You will never see someone yank out that powerlead so fast! HEHEHE :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

              and when they complain that they got their virus fromt he network or internet ... just pull their CAT5 lead from the switch ... so now they have a standalone machine (cept they can't login .. hehe)

              soon they just shut up ... or complain to Admin ... *mental note to self ... read more BOFH for kewl lines)

              :twisted:

              Comment


              • #8
                I had a lil ripper the other day.......

                Receptionist: "How do I move my taskbar from the right side of my screen to the bottom?"

                Me (sarcastically) : "Oh fu*k! You can't. The only solution is to turn your monitor onto its side!"
                ...having dinner with KARMA tonight...

                Comment


                • #9
                  i was only kidding...
                  i do also move pot plants and give foot massages, occassionally i get to clean mouse balls too...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: What really happens in IT

                    When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT Support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional
                    engineer with a Master's degree in nuclear physics.
                    Actually, you'd be surprised how many people CAN'T change the toner! We DO reccomend that when they do it, they call us, just so they don't fuck the printer AGAIN!!!

                    bman
                    Reporting LIVE from Scotland!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Amen to that

                      how fucked is our job

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                      • #12
                        i was only kidding...
                        i do also move pot plants and give foot massages, occassionally i get to clean mouse balls too...
                        Dats kewl maaauunn,

                        Just dont want deez Support Orriffiuccceess getting all the credit ya know? hehe ... there are some Adminstrators too that work for a living .. and when it all gets too hard ... who do the support techs come to? (Gustav waits for Melkors classic response)

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          T
                          R
                          O
                          L
                          L

                          (besides everyone knows it's only us coders who do any real work)

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            pshhhht coding shmoding.. there is no pressure with coding.. dumb people asking questions/wanting the impossible/being themselves is where the pressure and stress comes from. I think one of the worst jobs would have to be a helpdesk position. I believe the burnout rate of someone in that job is 18 months.
                            Right now Im having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Aim high and consider yourself worthy of great things

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