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  • beer scooter

    How many times have you woken up in the morning after
    a hard night drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I
    get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece
    together your return journey from the pub to your
    house.

    The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Beer
    Scooter.' The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of
    transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus,
    the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
    batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works
    in the following fashion:

    The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness
    and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a
    pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub- contractors
    detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
    Scooter.

    The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them
    in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This
    is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the
    passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This
    answers the second questions after a night out, 'How
    did I spend so much money?'

    Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record
    and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all
    UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned
    knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.

    An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the
    destruction of time segments during the trip. The
    nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time
    will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.

    This answers a third question after a night out, 'What
    the hell happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus
    opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments
    In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
    descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
    Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily
    the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is
    regained in discussions over a period of time.

    Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles
    often cause the Scooter's navigation system to
    malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong
    bedroom, often with horrific consequences.

    For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with
    flowers picked from other people's garden and
    Thump-A-Lot boots (Paten t Pending). These boots are
    designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
    tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your
    other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that
    you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
    (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
    bruised shins.

    The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some
    Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This
    explains how one person can apparently get through 260
    Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether or
    not said person is a regular smoker or not.

    P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows
    you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero
    temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
    Originally posted by vk6hgr
    My Hyosung couldn't do that speed if it was dropped in from orbit.
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