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How many times have you woken up in the morning after
a hard night drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I
get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece
together your return journey from the pub to your
house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Beer
Scooter.' The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of
transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus,
the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works
in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness
and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a
pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub- contractors
detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them
in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This
is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This
answers the second questions after a night out, 'How
did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record
and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all
UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned
knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.
An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the
destruction of time segments during the trip. The
nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time
will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, 'What
the hell happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus
opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments
In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily
the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is
regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles
often cause the Scooter's navigation system to
malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong
bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with
flowers picked from other people's garden and
Thump-A-Lot boots (Paten t Pending). These boots are
designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your
other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that
you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some
Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This
explains how one person can apparently get through 260
Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether or
not said person is a regular smoker or not.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows
you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero
temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.
a hard night drinking and thought, 'How on earth did I
get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece
together your return journey from the pub to your
house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a 'Beer
Scooter.' The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of
transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus,
the Roman God of Wine. Bacchus has acquired a large
batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works
in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness
and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a
pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub- contractors
detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Beer
Scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them
in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This
is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the
passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This
answers the second questions after a night out, 'How
did I spend so much money?'
Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record
and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all
UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as skinned
knees and a sore spot on the top of your head.
An undocumented feature of the Beer Scooter is the
destruction of time segments during the trip. The
nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time
will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for.
This answers a third question after a night out, 'What
the hell happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus
opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments
In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in
descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily
the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is
regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles
often cause the Scooter's navigation system to
malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong
bedroom, often with horrific consequences.
For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with
flowers picked from other people's garden and
Thump-A-Lot boots (Paten t Pending). These boots are
designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you
tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your
other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that
you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS
(Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the
bruised shins.
The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some
Scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This
explains how one person can apparently get through 260
Marlboro Lights in a single night, regardless of whether or
not said person is a regular smoker or not.
P.S. Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows
you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero
temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.