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KIDS - long but funny

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  • KIDS - long but funny

    The following excerpts are actual answers given on history tests
    and in
    Sunday school quizzes by children between 5th and 6th grade ages in
    Ohio. They were collected over a period of three years by two teachers.
    Read carefully for grammar, misplaced modifiers, and of course,
    spelling! Kids should rule the world, as it would be a laugh a minute
    for us adults and therefore no time to war or argue.

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    Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies and mummies who all
    wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate Of
    the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses wen t up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he ever reached Canada but the commandos made it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. He was A actual hysterical figure as well as being in the bible. It sounds Like
    he was sort of busy too.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
    wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a young
    female moth.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went around giving people
    advice. They killed him. He later died from an overdose of wedlock,
    which is apparently poisonous. After his death, his career suffered a
    Dramatic decline.
    ----------------------------------- --------------------------------
    In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits,
    and threw the java. The games were messier then, than they show on TV
    now.
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    Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
    Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw for
    reasons I don't really understand. The English and French still have
    problems.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen," As a queen she was a success.
    When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah!"
    and that was the end of the fighting f or a long while.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
    removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
    circulation of blood.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented
    Cigarettes and started smoking.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper which
    was very dangerous to all his men.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
    born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
    money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,>
    comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter.
    ----- --------------------------------------------------------------
    Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He Wrote
    Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
    Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
    Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of
    the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by
    Rubbing two cats backward and also declared, "A horse divided against
    itself cannot stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died in
    1790 and is still dead.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's Mother
    died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
    own hands. Abraham L incoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got
    Shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They
    believe the assassinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane
    actor. This ruined Booth's career.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
    number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he
    kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the
    most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half
    German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf that he
    wrote loud music and became the father of rock and roll. He took long
    walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven
    expired in 1827 and later died for this.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
    inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
    by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to
    spring up.
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    Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
    hundred men.
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    Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits, but I don't know why.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ of the Species.
    It was ver y long, people got upset about it, and had trials to see if
    it was really true. He sort of said God's days were not just 24
    hours,but without watches who knew anyhow? I don't get it.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first woman to do what she
    did. Other women have become scientists since her but they didn't get to
    find radios because they were already taken.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------
    Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other three were in the
    movies. Karl made speeches and started revolutions. Someone in the
    family had to have a job, I guess.

  • #2
    Aim high and consider yourself worthy of great things

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