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letter to the ex

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  • letter to the ex

    Dear Audrey,
    I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our
    "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore
    I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me
    talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my
    fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my
    pride needed that. But now I see that my pride's cost me a lot of things.
    I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad
    anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.
    Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is
    what my heart says... "There's no one like you, Audrey." I look for you in
    the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not
    even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingoes and brought her
    home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth
    of my desperation. She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies
    that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I
    mean, just a perfect body. Jugs you wouldn't believe and an ass like a
    tortoise shell. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being
    blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in
    our lives. It's all so superficial. What does a perfect body mean? Does it
    make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes. But you see what I'm
    getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart
    than my moderately attractive Audrey? I doubt it. And I'd never really
    thought of that before. I Don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little.
    Later, after I'd tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found
    myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her
    flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else.
    Some niggling feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it
    hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there, Audrey, to
    watch.
    Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Audrey,
    I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of
    you. Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at Pontins last year?
    Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured
    I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant
    till later, but that's not the real story. Anyway, we had a few glasses of
    wine and the next thing you know we're banging away in our old bedroom. And
    this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you
    know like a real woman does when she's not hung up about her weight or her
    career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden she spots that
    tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the
    floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's
    totally hot, but it makes me sad too. 'Cause I can't help thinking, "Why
    didn't Audrey ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity
    for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex aid." Saturday, your
    sister
    drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid
    and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a
    real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good
    counsel about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get
    back together, Audrey, She really is. So we're drinking in a hot bath and
    talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as
    you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were
    18. And that just about makes me cry. And then it turns out Vicky's really
    into the whole anal thing and that gets me to thinking about how many times
    I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fueled some of the
    bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting
    inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you?
    It's
    true, Audrey. In your heart you know it. Don't you think we could Start
    over? Just wipe out all the grievances and start fresh? I think we can. If
    you feel the same please please please let me know, otherwise, can you let
    me know where the Sky remote control is.

    John

  • #2
    Sounds fair, whats wrong with the bitch
    1, Always look good
    2, Always know what you're doing
    3, In failure of step 2 refer to step one

    Comment


    • #3
      i feel for the poor bastard ... hes obviously going thru a hard time
      Some say he eats sidchrome for breakfast

      Some say he only showers on even days of the week

      Some say he put an R1 motor in a coffee machine

      All we know is he's Hewie.

      Comment


      • #4
        women think it's all so easy for us guys

        Comment


        • #5
          farking brilliant

          what a hell of a situation this guy's in still I hope his ex can help with the remote

          Comment


          • #6
            Just like a vindictive bitch to take the remote. :roll:

            Comment


            • #7
              i just sent that to some of the girls in the office ..... they didnt see the funny side of it ......
              Some say he eats sidchrome for breakfast

              Some say he only showers on even days of the week

              Some say he put an R1 motor in a coffee machine

              All we know is he's Hewie.

              Comment


              • #8
                yeah , for some reason chicks don't see the funny side of rooting their sisters in the butt !! :shock:

                women have nooooo sense of humour, the're just not good blokes

                Comment


                • #9
                  yeah , for some reason chicks don't see the funny side of rooting their sisters in the butt !! :shock:  

                  women have nooooo sense of humour, the're just not good blokes  
                  well actually ........ i know these two sisters ... :shock:
                  Some say he eats sidchrome for breakfast

                  Some say he only showers on even days of the week

                  Some say he put an R1 motor in a coffee machine

                  All we know is he's Hewie.

                  Comment

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