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Answering Machine at a Psychiatric Hospital

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  • Answering Machine at a Psychiatric Hospital

    "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"

    If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

    If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

    If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

    If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay
    on the line so we can trace your call.

    If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred
    to the mother ship.

    If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
    tell you which number to press.

    If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
    press, no one will answer.

    If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

    If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
    until a representative comes on the line.

    If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address,
    telephone number,date of birth, social security number, and your
    mother's maiden name.

    If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
    c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

    If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the
    beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the

    If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
    short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory
    loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

    If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
    busy to talk to you."

    If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry.
    You won't be crazy forever.

    If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
    Aim high and consider yourself worthy of great things

  • #2
    ... im trying to figure out which one i should press ?
    Some say he eats sidchrome for breakfast

    Some say he only showers on even days of the week

    Some say he put an R1 motor in a coffee machine

    All we know is he's Hewie.


    • #3
      If your problems are the result of a drug addiction, press '#'.


      • #4
        damn.. that's a harsh institute!
        Right now Im having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.


        • #5
          Most of my family are mental in some way or another, so I can relate to that (excuse the pun)....