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For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those
who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For
those who have children at this age - this is not funny. For those
who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those
who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth
control!
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom
house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it
with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a
paint
can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on,
using
the
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before
you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit
by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's
already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of
a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials
show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and
very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not
like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20
minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing.
True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the
story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for
his home. She read," ..And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some
of that
straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and
said,
"I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was
unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake
fluid.
who already have children past this age - this is hilarious. For
those who have children at this age - this is not funny. For those
who have children nearing this age - this is a warning. For those
who have not yet had children - this is a form of birth
control!
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas:
"Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom
house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it
with roller skates / blades, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a
paint
can,
to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on,
using
the
ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before
you
get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit
by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's
already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain bits of Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of
a 4-year old.
11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jelly you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jelly.
15. VCR's do not eject toasted sandwiches even though TV commercials
show
they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in petrol tanks make lots of noise when driving and
very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do
not
like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire brigade is about 20
minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a 6-year old is a wonderful and amassing thing.
True story: One day the infant school teacher was reading the
story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the
story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building
materials for
his home. She read," ..And so the pig went up to the man with the
wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some
of that
straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and
said,
"I think he said...'Holy xxxxx! A talking pig!'" The teacher was
unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake
fluid.
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