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Misconceptions about food, diets and exercise

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  • Misconceptions about food, diets and exercise

    Q1: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

    A1: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste
    them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
    will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
    your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q2: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A2: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
    corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
    efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
    And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
    vegetable products.

    Q3: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A3: Not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that
    means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
    goodness that way. Beer is also made out of vegetables. Bottoms up!

    Q4: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A4: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
    one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q5: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise

    A5: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

    Q6: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A6: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
    fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for

    Q7: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

    A7: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
    only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q8: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A8: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's
    the best feel-good food around!

    Q9: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A9: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q10: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A10: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about
    food and diets.