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Qantas, probably oldies

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  • Fenris

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  • Mr John
    Oldies but damn goodies

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  • Taz
    GORDO THEY ARE FIRKIN GOOD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ps caps meant

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  • colscats

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    lmao, very good,

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  • Gordo
    started a topic Qantas, probably oldies

    Qantas, probably oldies

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
    conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
    the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and
    correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of
    the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the
    gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground
    crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged
    maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and
    the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. Note: Qantas is the
    only major airline that has never had a major accident. (P = The
    problem logged by the pilot and S = The solution and action taken by
    the maintenance people.)

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
    pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget

    :shock: :shock: