Dad Jokes - Tell them to me

[Barfridge]

My dad was a shocker for telling the same old lame jokes over and over. This thread is intended to keep the dream alive.

Here are a few to get you started:

Dad: gee son, you hair is a bit short
Son: *shrug* it's the fashion
Dad: well I suppose it'll be long enough before you get another haircut

(not really a dad joke, but one of his faves)
Dad: My dog has no nose
Son: how does he smell?
Dad: terrible!

[shaunmlawson]

Not sure if this is what you were chasing, but i'll hijack your thread anyway.

My fathers a brickie. All day he lays bricks, and when he comes home he lays me.

My fathers a carpenter. All day he hammers nails, and when he comes home he hammers me.

My fathers a baker. All day he kneeds dough, and when he comes home he kneeds me.

So everyones gets the ideas, now you adda few....

[Semi]

my father is a rapist. All day....

[FJ Steve]

"Mummy....Daddy's going out again!"

"Well pour some more petrol onto him"

Is that the sort you wanted? Or do you refer to those as "Mummy, mummy" jokes?

[Barfridge]

Desmo: Sam...<wheeze>.... I am your father....<wheeze>

[Machast]

I presume you mean those really bad old jokes that all dads tell their kids, like..

whiny kid: "I'm thirrrrstyyyy"
dad: "hi thirsty, I'm Dad"


or driving past the cemetary..
Dad: "that there is the dead centre of town.... everyone's dying to get in there"

[Watching]

My Dad's 'dad's jokes' are so bad even at his office the guys roll their eyes and run away when he tells them. I'm too busy trying to erase them from memory to rehash them here.

[millsy]

lol Pull my finger

[FJ Steve]

Dad..."hey son.....wanna cup of coffee?"

RSCW: "yeah...why not."

Dad..."Cool, make me one while you are there, please?"

[CitizenD]

Oh I heard that one a few times. Neutralised it when he tasted the coffee, "*spit* What the hell's in this?"

"I always put gravox in coffee. For colour."

[sathid]

Dad: "If an ant and piecost had a race, which one would win"

8 y.o. me: "Whats a piecost?"

Dad: "About $2, plus 20c for sauce."


My dad is the absolute king of bad jokes and horrible puns.

Unfortunately, it seems the old saying "like father, like son" has some basis after all...

[Ducfreak]

Millsy you beat me to it that is one of MY faves even though my kids are 13 and 15 sometimes they still take me up on it
The other Fave is similar and works great in the Pajero as it has electric windows that I can lock shut from the drivers door.
Me (insert kids name) pull ma finger.
Kid OHH dad get real
Me fart anyway and lock windows closed

[lo1ux]

what do you call an irishman sitting on your front porch?

patti O furniture

boom boom

[Machast]

patti O furniture

Paddy, perhaps?

[CitizenD]

The two irish poofters*?

Gerald Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzgerald

*poofter is very much a "dad" word.