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    Abra-kebabra – An illusion performed after a night on the raz whereby a kebab is made to disappear down the performer’s throat, only to reappear a short time later on the back of a taxi driver’s head.
    Agatha Christie – A silent, putrid trump committed by someone in this very room and only one person knows whodunnit.
    Alcofrolic – A regrettable act of carnal knowledge embarked upon while drunk.
    Alesheimer’s disease – Premature senility and memory loss brought about by drinking beer.
    Ar*e Tourette’s – Comedy disorder of the lower intestine characterisd by sudden, uncontrollable vocalisations.
    Bee Gees bite – First mouthful of extremely hot food that forces the eater to perform the falsetto “ah-ha-ha-ha” intro to Stayin’ Alive.
    Beer degree – Qualification attained after a sufficient intake of alcohol, which enables one to talk at length and with apparent authority on any given topic.
    Biggie smalls – Knickers for the larger lady.
    Chavellers’ cheques – Giros.
    Cold tea bag – Feeling in one’s underpants a few minutes after a badly-diagnosed trouser cough.
    Come to bed pies – Pastry-based food presented to a fat lass in exchange for sex.
    Dog’s ar*e – To be troubled with wind, as in: “Excuse my wife. I’m afraid she’s got a dog’s ar*e today, Your Holiness.”
    Dragon food – Chocolates bought for her indoors when one is in the bad books.
    Eros – Pose that must be struck when urinating in a toilet with no lock.
    Earlids – Invisible, soundproof flaps of skin which descend over a gentleman’s ears when he is conversing with his lady wife.
    Femtex – Hormone-based explosive which becomes dangerously unstable once a month.
    Giraffiti – Vandalism spray-painted very high.
    G-rope – A G-string for the larger lady.
    Hotel toast – A girl who used to be hot.
    Hunt for brown October – The act of seeking out and destroying a U-bend U-boat with a bog brush.
    Indoor hobo – One who lives inside, but looks like they should be living in a doorway, examples being Johnny Vegas, Ricky Tomlinson and Tracey Emin.
    Injury time – Dying seconds of a football match where the losing side throw caution to the wind. Hence the last record in a nightclub.
    Juggstaposition – The visual mismatch of two contrasting-sized pairs of breasts in close proximity, eg Trinny Woodall standing next to Jordan.
    Kebabe – A woman who looks incredibly tasty when one is hammered at two in the morning, but the thought of whom turns one’s stomach in the sober light of day.
    King for a day – To have a bad case of the runs, ie, to spend all day on the throne.
    Landlady’s forearm – Ailment closely linked to bingo wings, suffered by fat, dumpy women.
    Manopause – Male mid-life crisis, characterised by the acquisition of a sports car, a motorbike and/or a girlfriend young enough to be one’s daughter.
    Nagasaki tan – A sunbed induced glow of such ferocity that it appears that the owner was present at the detonation of an atom bomb.
    Old Bailey bird – An unattractive lady-friend who you would ideally like to smuggle into the house under a blanket, in a style reminiscent of the way the police bundle murderers into court.
    Peemale – A man who urinates while sitting down.
    Rambo’d – So drunk that one believes that one can fight any amount of people in the car park and win.
    Sicasso – A colourful bit of pavement art in which can be seen figurative elements of diced carrots, peanuts and crisps. An example of late-night abstract expressionism reminiscent of the action paintings of Jackson Pollock.
    Ulrikas – A pair of boobs that look great in clothing but pitifully saggy when released on a beach.
    UB40 winks – Mid-afternoon nap taken after a hard morning at the telly face.
    Vitamin P – Luminescent lime green wee produced after consuming high-dose multivitamins.
    Washing machine doors – Swirling, export-strength beer goggles.
    X-piles – Mysterious, unidentified throbbing objects from Uranus.
    Zerotica – Gents’ magazine material of the lowest imaginable potency, eg a thermal underwear catalogue, a picture of a nuns’ hockey team or the letters page in the People’s Friend.
    Last edited by TYSON; 20-11-2007, 07:22 PM.
    Real Men Ride Nakid

  • #2
    umm, I think Sir Whizz has had a slight meltdown, or maybe the Russians are at it again.

    If he posts up any links, please don't click them.
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