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New takes on nursery rhymes

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  • New takes on nursery rhymes

    Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
    The structure of the wall was incorrect
    So he won a grand with Claims Direct.


    It's Raining, It's Pouring.
    Oh shit, it's Global Warming.


    Jack and Jill went into town
    To fetch some chips and sweeties.
    Jack can't keep his heart rate down
    And Jill's got diabetes.


    Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides
    And everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs.
    Mary had another skirt 'twas split right up the front.
    But she didn't wear that one often.


    Mary had a littlelamb, her father shot it dead.
    Now it goes to school with her between two chunks of bread.


    Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
    Said Simple Simon to the pie man
    'What have u got there?'
    Said the pie man unto Simon
    "Pies you dickhead".


    Mary had a little lamb
    It ran into a pylon.
    10,000 volts went up its arse
    And turned its wool to nylon.


    Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.
    When the boys came out to play
    He kissed them too cause he was gay.


    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    To have a little fun.
    Jill, the dill, forgot her pill,
    And now they have a son.


    Jack and Jill went up the hill
    And planned to do some kissing.
    Jack made a pass and grabbed her ass
    Now two of his teeth are missing.


    Mary had a little lamb
    Its fleece was white and wispy.
    Then it caught Foot and Mouth disease
    And now it's black and crispy.

  • #2
    pretty funny!
    I am a rebel....
    [http://www.sloganizer.net/en/][/url]

    Comment


    • #3
      Roses are red violets are blue
      Ive got a dose and so do you
      LIVE TO RIDE AND RIDE TO LIVE
      LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE

      'Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out,
      shouting 'FUCK YEAH ...WHAT A RIDE!'

      REGRET NOTHING YOUVE DONE


      Comment


      • #4
        Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet,
        And said fuck it, I'm not eating this shit!
        -------
        Roses are red,
        Violets are blue,
        Stuff it,
        You'll do.
        One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

        My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

        Comment


        • #5
          Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
          humpty dumpty had a great fall
          all the kings horses and all the kings men
          could'nt put humpty together again
          so they said
          Fuck it he's only an egg
          LIVE TO RIDE AND RIDE TO LIVE
          LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE

          'Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out,
          shouting 'FUCK YEAH ...WHAT A RIDE!'

          REGRET NOTHING YOUVE DONE


          Comment


          • #6
            Roses are red
            Violets are blue
            some poems rhyme
            but this one doesn't
            For LAMS information and resources - http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...thread-156358/
            For LAMS discussion and to ask questions - http://www.perthstreetbikes.com/foru...thread-143289/

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Speed Demon View Post
              Humpty dumpty sat on the wall
              humpty dumpty had a great fall
              all the kings horses and all the kings men
              could'nt put humpty together again
              so they said
              Fuck it he's only an egg
              Actually, Humpty Dumpty was an old Canon that sat on the wall of a Seaside Fortification. During a skirmish with Warships that section of wall was brought down, Humpty broke apart in the fall and was irrepairable afterwards.
              Bikes are good, Cars are bad, Green is better than Gold.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Batkwaka View Post
                Actually, Humpty Dumpty was an old Canon that sat on the wall of a Seaside Fortification. During a skirmish with Warships that section of wall was brought down, Humpty broke apart in the fall and was irrepairable afterwards.
                Thats done it for me now all those years of believing humpty was a egg, i'll be scared for life. 1st father christmas then the easter bunny and now humpty fuckin dumpty.
                Just think of the children
                LIVE TO RIDE AND RIDE TO LIVE
                LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE

                'Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out,
                shouting 'FUCK YEAH ...WHAT A RIDE!'

                REGRET NOTHING YOUVE DONE


                Comment


                • #9
                  Little Boy Blue come blow your horn
                  The sheep's in the meadow, the cow's in the corn
                  But where is the boy who looks after the sheep?
                  He's under a haystack with Little Bo Peep...


                  Mary had a little lamb
                  It's fleece was black as charcoal
                  And every time he jumped the fence
                  He scratched his little asshole


                  Mary had a little lamb
                  And if you think that's perverted, Old MacDonald had the whole farm



                  Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree
                  Rootin' all the budgies he can see
                  Stop Kookaburra, Stop Kookaburra
                  Next one's got VD
                  https://parodieslost.blog/

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Not a rynme but a saying from way back in school

                    Up your vagina with an ocean liner
                    or
                    Up your fanny with a sanyo tranny
                    LIVE TO RIDE AND RIDE TO LIVE
                    LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE

                    'Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out,
                    shouting 'FUCK YEAH ...WHAT A RIDE!'

                    REGRET NOTHING YOUVE DONE


                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Mary had a little pig
                      A snorting and a grunting
                      She took it down the garden path
                      and kicked it's little c*nt in




                      Jack and jill went up the hill,
                      to smoke some marajuana,
                      jack got high,
                      pulled down his fly,
                      and asked jill if she wanna.
                      jill said yes,
                      pulled up her dress,
                      and had a little fun,
                      but stupid jill,
                      forgot the pill,
                      and now they have a son





                      Jack and Jill went up the hill
                      So Jack could lick Jill's fanny
                      But Jack got a shock
                      And a mouthful of cock
                      Because Jill was really a tranny

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone. When she bent over Rover took over and gave her a bone of his own


                        My friend Billy
                        Had a ten foot willy,
                        He showed it to the girl next door.
                        She thought it was a snake
                        And hit it with a rake
                        And now its only 4 ft 4.


                        There was a little girl,
                        Who had a little curl
                        Right in the middle of her forehead...
                        And when she was good,
                        She was very very good,
                        But when she was bad
                        She got a fur coat, jewels, a
                        Waterfront condo and a sports car.


                        Spider, spider on the wall.
                        Ain't you got no sense at all?
                        Can't you see the walls been plastered?
                        Now you're stuck you silly bastard


                        Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
                        Little Bo Peep was giving him head
                        As he came, she started to weep
                        She could tell by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep
                        Last edited by Speed Demon; 07-03-2008, 03:49 PM.
                        LIVE TO RIDE AND RIDE TO LIVE
                        LET THOSE WHO RIDE DECIDE

                        'Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out,
                        shouting 'FUCK YEAH ...WHAT A RIDE!'

                        REGRET NOTHING YOUVE DONE


                        Comment


                        • #13
                          ♪♫♬ Ro- Ro- Robocop, gently down the stream
                          Merrily, merrily, merrily merrily,
                          Avenging his own murder ♪♫♬ ♪
                          https://parodieslost.blog/

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Batkwaka View Post
                            Actually, Humpty Dumpty was an old Canon that sat on the wall of a Seaside Fortification. During a skirmish with Warships that section of wall was brought down, Humpty broke apart in the fall and was irrepairable afterwards.
                            There you go facts spoiling a good story again...
                            The only thing wrong with a perfect ride to work is that you end up at work.
                            G T

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Little boy blue, he needed the money.

                              Mary Mary quiet contrary, trim that pussy, it's too damn hairy

                              Old mother Huberd went to the cupboard
                              To get old Rover a bone
                              When she bent over Rover took over
                              Rover got a bone of his own.


                              Jack and Jill went up the hill
                              The both had a buck and a quarter
                              Jill came down with $2.50
                              The filthy whore.

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