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Qantas OH&S

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  • Qantas OH&S


    After every flight, the pilot has to complete a "gripe sheet" which conveys to the ground mechanics any problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes first, and then the mechanic reads it and does whatever is needed to correct the problem. After the work is completed the mechanic fills in the lower half of the form stating what remedial action was taken. Before the next flight, the pilot reviews the "gripe sheet" to see what was done.

    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.

    Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by QANTAS pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.

    (By the way, QANTAS is the only major airline that has never had an accident!)

    P = The problem logged by the
    S= The solution and action taken by the engineers.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
    S: Autoland is not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more *believable* level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what they're there for.

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect your right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with words.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

  • #2
    hahaha thats good