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  • #31
    One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

    My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

    Comment


    • #32
      Waterproof Jeep (flv video) download at fliiby.com
      One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

      My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

      Comment


      • #33
        [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrBbuVho1Ds]YouTube - Redneck Amusement Park[/ame]
        One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

        My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

        Comment


        • #34
          haha nice
          Get me my Sommers.
          sigpic

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          • #35
            Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. He travelled up toAlaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

            Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.


            The black bear said,
            'That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices.



            Either I maul you to death or we have sex.' After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.


            So the black bear had his way with Frank.Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

            He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead.

            Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.


            This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.


            The grizzly said, 'That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have 'rough sex.'

            Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.

            Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.


            Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.


            He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.


            The polar bear looked at him and said,







            'Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?'
            Originally posted by vk6hgr
            My Hyosung couldn't do that speed if it was dropped in from orbit.

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            • #36
              A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
              He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
              St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.'
              'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?'
              'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
              'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
              St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.'
              'Where's George Bush's clock?' asked the man.
              'Bush's clock is in Jesus’ office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.'
              Originally posted by vk6hgr
              My Hyosung couldn't do that speed if it was dropped in from orbit.

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              • #37
                Chopsticks Instructions
                Attached Files
                Increasing my carbon footprint - one 500 @ a time...

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by Rob View Post
                  Annoying ball paddler game

                  Ball
                  me and my brothers missus did this and got 23 colour changes!
                  I love riding, especially yamamas

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by Motormaniac View Post
                    me and my brothers missus did this and got 23 colour changes!
                    right click near the top of the game (brings up the context menu). While the menu is visible you can move the mouse without moving the ball. When you click on the ball it goes back to normal. Repeat.

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                    • #40
                      lost the translation a touch there on the 5th item

                      All round wonder cream ...
                      Attached Files
                      Increasing my carbon footprint - one 500 @ a time...

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

                        My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?' The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.' The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!' The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription.'

                          sigpic

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                          • #43
                            A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door.
                            Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
                            After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

                            "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
                            The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!"

                            "OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. "MY ROLEX!"

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                            • #44
                              Dear madam:

                              Thank you for your recent order from our sex toys shop.

                              you asked for the large red vibrator as featured on our wall display.

                              please select another item because that is our fire extinguisher.



                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Actual Control Tower Conversations

                                Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!'
                                Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!'

                                ************************************************** ************************************************
                                Tower: 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.'
                                TWA 2341: 'Center, we are at 35,000 feet.
                                How much noise can we make up here?'
                                Tower: 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a
                                747 makes when it hits a 727?'

                                ************************************************** **************************************************
                                From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue:
                                'I'm f...ing bored!'
                                Ground Traffic Control:
                                'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!'
                                Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!'

                                ************************************************** ************************************************
                                O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: 'United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound.'
                                United 329: 'Approach, I've always wanted to say this..
                                I've got the little Fokker in sight.'

                                ************************************************** **************************************************

                                A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, 'What was your last known position?'
                                Student: 'When I was number one for takeoff.'

                                ************************************************** *************************************************

                                A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out after touching down.
                                San Jose Tower Noted: 'American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of the runway, if you are able.
                                If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport.'

                                ************************************************** **************************************************

                                A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
                                Lufthansa (in German):
                                ' Ground, what is our start clearance time?'
                                Ground (in English):
                                'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'
                                Lufthansa (in English):
                                'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany .
                                Why must I speak English?'
                                Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
                                'Because you lost the bloody war!'



                                *** ************************************************** ***********************************************

                                Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff,
                                contact Departure on frequency 124.7'
                                Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure.
                                By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind
                                of dead animal on the far end of the runway.'
                                Tower: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7.
                                Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?'
                                BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger;
                                and yes, we copied Eastern...
                                we've already notified our caterers.'

                                ************************************************** ************************************************** *

                                One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the
                                Cherokee.
                                Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
                                'What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?'
                                The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger:
                                'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours
                                and I'll have enough parts for another one.'

                                ************************************************** **************************************************

                                The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground controland a British Airways 747,
                                call sign Speedbird 206 .
                                Speedbird 206: ' Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway.'
                                Ground: 'Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.'
                                The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

                                Ground: 'Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?'
                                Speedbird 206: 'Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now.'
                                G round (with quite arrogant impatience):
                                'Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?'
                                Speedbird 206 (coolly): 'Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, --
                                And I didn't land.'

                                ************************************************** ***********************************************

                                While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:
                                'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it right!'

                                Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: 'God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?'

                                'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded.

                                Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:
                                'Wasn't I married to you once?'
                                Last edited by Rat750; 12-10-2008, 08:53 AM. Reason: was supposed to go in funny stuff section.....my bad

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