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  • #46
    This is a snake pulling a dead kangaroo out of the water. Talk about a man eater! This picture is from
    Western Australia. Take a careful look at thispicture; see the size of the snake and the kangaroobeing pulled
    out of the water.

    Attached Files
    Increasing my carbon footprint - one 500 @ a time...


    • #47
      There was a thread about that picture a while ago. People thought it was a fakey, apparently the snake tried pull it out for hours but no joy lol


      • #48
        Holy shit I aint swimming there! That thing is hooge.
        Originally posted by Amac
        suck me on the hat you mole fucker, steroid affected me cock


        • #49
          Originally posted by Xuaxace View Post
          There was a thread about that picture a while ago. People thought it was a fakey, apparently the snake tried pull it out for hours but no joy lol
          Apparently its a wallaby of some sort and an olive python. But even given its a wallaby, I've never seen an olive python that big before.


          • #50
            the funny bit is, in america the email says that the kangaroo is a cow...
            "No machine has a soul until a man shares his own with it."


            • #51
              silly yanks, how the hell does that look like a cow!!??

              looks like somewhere around Karijini national park?

              anyway dont give pumpkins too much booze......
              Attached Files


              • #52
                INSTALLING A HUSBAND

                Dear Tech Support ,

                Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
                distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower
                and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .

                In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
                * Romance 9.5 and
                * Personal Attention 6.5,

                and then installed undesirable programs such as :

                * GAA 5.0,
                * RUGBY 3.0 and
                * Golf Clubs 4.1 .

                Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply
                crashes the system.

                * Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
                problems, but to no avail.

                What can I do?



                • #53
                  I have no idea how I got this, but still sorta funny

                  (because they are plugged into a genius)

                  2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
                  (they don't have enough time)

                  (they don't stop to ask directions)

                  (because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock)

                  (You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

                  (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

                  6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
                  (you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

                  (don't never happened)

                  ( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

                  And the personal favourite:

                  8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
                  (because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

                  Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart!

                  One for the ladies

                  One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
                  'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
                  He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'

                  And they say blondes are dumb...

                  A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
                  'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
                  The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'


                  'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
                  'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


                  Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
                  A: A rumour


                  Dear Lord,
                  I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

                  Q: Why do little boys whine?
                  A: They are practicing to be men.

                  Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
                  A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


                  Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
                  A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'

                  Designed by a Genius.
                  Built by Craftsmen.
                  Ridden by a TWAT!


                  • #54
                    The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
                    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

                    Finally, the guys' side of the story.
                    (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
                    We always hear" the rules"
                    From t he female side.

                    Now here are the rules from the male side.

                    These are our rules!
                    Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "
                    ON PURPOSE!

                    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

                    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
                    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
                    We need it up, you need it down.
                    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

                    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
                    or the changing of the tides.
                    Let it be.

                    1. Crying is blackmail.

                    1. Ask for what you want.
                    Let us be clear on this one:
                    Subtle hints do not work!
                    Strong hints do not work!
                    Obvious hints do not work!
                    Just say it!

                    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

                    1. Come to us with a problemonly if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
                    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

                    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
                    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

                    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
                    Don't ask us.

                    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

                    1. You can either ask us to do something
                    Or tell us how you want it done.
                    Not both.
                    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

                    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

                    1. Christopher Columbus didNOT need directions and neither do we.

                    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
                    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have noidea what mauve is.

                    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
                    We do that .

                    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
                    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

                    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

                    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

                    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball

                    1. You have enough clothes.

                    1. You have too many shoes.

                    1.. I am in shape.RoundIS a shape!

                    1. Thank you for reading this.
                    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

                    But did you know men really don't mind that! ? It's like camping.

                    Increasing my carbon footprint - one 500 @ a time...


                    • #55
                      Nice Rob, reminded me of this.

                      The International Council of Manlaws

                      1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

                      2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
                      (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
                      (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
                      (c) After wrecking your boss's car.
                      (d) When she is using her teeth.

                      3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
                      legally killed and eaten by his mates.

                      4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
                      friend out of jail within 12 hours.

                      5: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister
                      is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

                      6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is
                      forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is

                      7: No bloke shall ever be required to buy a birthday present
                      for another bloke. In fact, even remembering your mate's
                      birthday is strictly optional.
                      At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
                      birthday boy's choice.

                      8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops,
                      not the weakest.

                      9: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event,
                      you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may
                      never ask who's playing.

                      10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
                      brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers
                      for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially
                      your girlfriend.

                      11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
                      you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a
                      topless model and only when it's free.

                      12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
                      allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.

                      13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

                      14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

                      15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

                      16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
                      as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
                      ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

                      17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
                      must remain sober enough to fight.

                      18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
                      of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

                      19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
                      talking about his choice of beer.

                      20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend
                      of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your

                      21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while
                      lifting weights:

                      (a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
                      (b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
                      (c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

                      22: Never talk to a man in a toilet unless you are on equal
                      footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For
                      all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
                      conversation you need.

                      23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
                      longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch
                      by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

                      24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
                      friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're
                      feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each
                      other again before the discussion occurs about what a big
                      mistake it was.

                      25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
                      acceptable for her to drive yours.

                      26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime
                      green, orange or sky blue.

                      27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
                      Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!"
                      gets an Xbox. End of story.

                      28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's
                      Gymnastics. Ever.

                      29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do
                      you really know the difference between them? In an effort to
                      keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
                      "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with his mates,
                      being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts
                      to say, "are you
                      still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
                      "BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with his mates
                      smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping
                      your wife on the @ss and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"
                      I hope this clears up any confusion,


                      • #56
                        wood for life? wood is life.
                        Originally posted by thro
                        i only squid it when riding pissed.


                        • #57
                          Reidstah: awesome manlaw list

                          Harns: Brilliant ;P
                 - Check it!

                          Originally posted by lee
                          how is that erotic? that's some chick laying on a towel on the floor with her hand down some where's wally knickers with preposterously sized fake cans and shaving rash around her hooch.


                          • #58
                            moar lols
                            wood for life? wood is life.
                            Originally posted by thro
                            i only squid it when riding pissed.


                            • #59
                              American Law System

                              > Attorney : What gear were you in at the moment of the
                              > impact ?
                              > Witness : Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : This myasthenia gravis you have, does it
                              > affect your memory at all ?
                              > Witness : Yes.
                              > Attorney : And in what ways does it affect your memory ?
                              > Witness : I forget.
                              > Attorney : You forget ? Can you give us an example of
                              > something you forgot ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : What was the first thing your husband said to
                              > you that morning ?
                              > Witness : He said, 'Where are you Cathy ?'
                              > Attorney : And why did that upset you ?
                              > Witness : My name is Susan !
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Do you know if your daughter has ever been
                              > involved in voodoo ?
                              > Witness : We both do.
                              > Attorney : Voodoo ?
                              > Witness : We do.
                              > Attorney : You do ?
                              > Witness : Yes, voodoo.
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Now doctor, isn't it true that when a
                              > person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until
                              > the next morning ?
                              > Witness : Did you actually pass the bar exam ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : The youngest son, the twenty-one-year- old,
                              > how old is he ?
                              > Witness : Uh, he's twenty-one.
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Were you present when your picture was taken ?
                              > Witness : Are you kidding me ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : So the date of conception (of the baby) was
                              > August 8th ?
                              > Witness : Yes.
                              > Attorney : And what were you doing at that time ?
                              > Witness : Uh.... I guess I was having sex !
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : She had three children, right ?
                              > Witness : Yes.
                              > Attorney : How many were boys ?
                              > Witness : None.
                              > Attorney : Were there any girls ?
                              > Witness : Your Honor, I think I need a different
                              > attorney. Can I get a new attorney ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : How was your first marriage terminated ?
                              > Witness : By death.
                              > Attorney : And by whose death was it terminated ?
                              > Witness : Now whose death do you suppose terminated it ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Can you describe the individual ?
                              > Witness : He was about medium height and had a beard.
                              > Attorney : Was this person a male or a female ?
                              > Witness : You guess.
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
                              > to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney ?
                              > Witness : No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
                              > performed on dead people ?
                              > Witness : All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
                              > Would you like to rephrase that ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay ? Now,
                              > what school did you go to ?
                              > Witness : Oral.
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Do you recall the time that you examined the
                              > body ?
                              > Witness : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
                              > Attorney : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time ?
                              > Witness : No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
                              > I was doing an autopsy on him !
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > Attorney : Are you qualified to give a urine sample ?
                              > Witness : Huh....are you qualified to ask that question
                              > ?
                              > ------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
                              > --------- ------
                              > --- And the best for last: ---
                              > Attorney : Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
                              > you check for a pulse ?
                              > Witness : No.
                              > Attorney : Did you check for blood pressure ?
                              > Witness : No.
                              > Attorney : Did you check for breathing ?
                              > Witness : No.
                              > Attorney : So, then it is possible that the patient was
                              > alive when you began the autopsy ?
                              > Witness : No.
                              > Attorney : How can you be so sure, Doctor ?
                              > Witness : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
                              > jar.
                              > Attorney : I see, but could the patient have still been
                              > alive, nevertheless ?
                              > Witness : Yes, it is possible that he could have been
                              > alive and practicing law.
                              Nothing from something.


                              • #60
                                The Wisdom of Larry the cable guy......

                                1. A day without sunshine is like night.

                                2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

                                3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

                                4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

                                5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

                                6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

                                7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

                                8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

                                9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

                                10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

                                11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

                                12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

                                13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

                                14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

                                15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

                                16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

                                17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

                                18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

                                19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

                                20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

                                21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

                                22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

                                23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.