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  • Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
    Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
    "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters
    sat on their beds.
    "Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
    "Fook off you liar!".
    "I'll prove it," Murphy says.
    So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
    "Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
    Be patient or become one.

    Ride with Passion. Ride with Purpose. Ride with Pride.

    Comment


    • In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

      And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"

      And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"

      And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."

      Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP).

      And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS.

      And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.

      And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."

      And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

      Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).

      That is how it all began. And that's the truth.
      Its all good on Ducati's

      Comment


      • How old was the email you plucked that one from, 10 or 12 years old?

        Comment


        • Whatcha gonna do? Rap is not afraid of you
          Beat is for Sonny Bono, beat is for Yoko Ono

          Comment


          • This is one of the first email funnies I ever received -

            The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times. Dial is a brand of soap.

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Maid,


            Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom, since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.

            Thank you,

            S. Berman

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Room 635,


            I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management are to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

            Kathy, Relief Maid

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Maid - I hope you are my regular maid.

            Apparently Kathy did not tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap. When I got back to my room this evening, I found you had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bath-size Dial, so I won't need those 6 little Camays, which are on the shelf. They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove them.

            S. Berman

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mr. Berman,

            The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this morning that you him last evening and said you were unhappy with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your room. I hope you will accept my apologies any past inconvenience. If you have any future complaints, please me so I can give it my personal attention. Call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm.



            Thank you.

            Elaine Carmen
            Housekeeper

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Miss Carmen,


            It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the hotel for business at 7:45am and don't get back before 5:30 or 6pm. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night. You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet, along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?

            S. Berman

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mr. Berman,

            Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8am and 5pm.

            Thank you,

            Elaine Carmen,
            Housekeeper

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mr. Kensedder,

            My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken from my room, including my own bath-size Dial. I came in late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere Bouquets.

            S. Berman

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mr. Berman,

            I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time they service a room. The situation will be rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.

            Martin L. Kensedder
            Assistant Manager

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mrs. Carmen,

            Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here? All I want is my bath-size Dial. Please give me back my bath-size Dial.

            S. Berman

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mr. Berman,

            You complained of too much soap in your room, so I had them removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your soap was missing, so I personally returned them. The 24 Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are supposed to receive daily. I don't know anything about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps, so she also brought 24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.

            Elaine Carmen
            Housekeeper

            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            Dear Mrs. Carmen,

            Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap inventory. As of today I possess:

            -On the shelf under the medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
            -On the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
            -On the bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
            -Inside the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
            -In the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
            -On the northeast corner of the tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
            -On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

            Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries. One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-size Dial which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further misunderstandings.

            S. Berman
            Originally posted by Skut
            ...the problem is that no-one wants to listen to an expert, just to have their own position/circumstance supported or be acknowledged.

            Comment


            • *Website contains other images NSFW*......
              When a good pick just won't do it


              Some serious shit goin on....
              right here

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              • Click image for larger version

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                • Click image for larger version

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                  The innocence of childhood...

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                  • From The Age : Row over Volt owner "stealing" electricity

                    Body corporate arcs up over use of communal electricity.
                    A Canadian Chevrolet Volt owner has sparked outrage in his apartment block because he is leeching electricity for the car at the other residents’ expense.

                    According to CBC News, the Ottawa building’s body corporate has told Volt owner Mike Nemat he now has to pay about $3000 to fit a separately billed recharging point in the apartment block’s car park - even though Nemat claims the car only costs about $1 a day to recharge.


                    The article says residents in the apartment share the electricity bill for the complex, and the body corporate decided that because it does not pay for the fuel of other vehicles, it should not have to pay for the Volt’s recharging.


                    ‘‘This isn't some evil electric car that consumes a ton of electricity. It's just a drop in the pond compared to what the whole building pays,’’ Nemat told CBC News.


                    Holden has said its version of the Volt, due later this year, will cost about $2.50 a day to recharge.
                    DO NOT TOUCH - Probably the most unsettling thing to read in braille.

                    Comment


                    • My wife told me to go to the Doctor and get some of those pills that "help with erections"

                      You should've seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills.
                      They say money can't buy happiness. But you can use it to buy a Triumph and you never see sad people riding Triumphs.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Dr. Venkman View Post
                        That is damn freaky
                        I don't get it
                        When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be AWESOME instead. True story.

                        Originally posted by lobes89
                        Yea I like the bike but it's hard to get my foot under the brake lever

                        Comment


                        • That's only coz you're unobservant, Big_Dave, not because you're slow. Keep looking.
                          Work Buy Consume Die

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Mo-Fo View Post
                            *Website contains other images NSFW*......
                            When a good pick just won't do it


                            Some serious shit goin on....
                            right here

                            Thank-you for the link. I will spend quite sometime at the above site.
                            Hey! At least it will stop me lurking here!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by GreenMeanie View Post
                              Thank-you for the link. I will spend quite sometime at the above site.
                              Hey! At least it will stop me lurking here!
                              Yer ORSM isn't a bad site. Banged Up was was better but now they make you pay for it.

                              Comment














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