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It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella awards.
The Stellas are named after 81-year-old
Stella Liebeck, who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
McDonald 's. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most
frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit
implicating McDonald's (the teens who allege that eating at
McDonald's has made them fat) was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed.
This suit will top the 2003 awards list without question.
5th place (Tied)
A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen
Robertson of Austin Texas $780,000
after she broke her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
5th place (Tied)
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medicalexpenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel
of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th place (Tied)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania
was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the
garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house
because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag
of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation
caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000
4th place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door
neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have
been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the
fence into the yard , was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to
pay Amber Carson of Lancaster Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a
soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on
the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.
2nd place
Kara Walton of Claymont Delaware sued the owner of a night club
in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak out of the window in the Ladies Room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st place
This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv
Grazinski of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma. Mr Grazinski purchased a brand
new Winnebago motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game,
having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a
cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
overturned.
Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual
that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000
plus a new Winnebago motor home. The company actually changed its
manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were other complete
morons buying its recreation vehicles.
*I just spent 5 minutes formating that sh!t, and it's all changed... :x *
The Stellas are named after 81-year-old
Stella Liebeck, who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
McDonald 's. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most
frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.
Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit
implicating McDonald's (the teens who allege that eating at
McDonald's has made them fat) was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed.
This suit will top the 2003 awards list without question.
5th place (Tied)
A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen
Robertson of Austin Texas $780,000
after she broke her ankle tripping over a
toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
5th place (Tied)
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
medicalexpenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel
of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.
5th place (Tied)
Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania
was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the
garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house
because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag
of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation
caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000
4th place
Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door
neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have
been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the
fence into the yard , was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd place
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to
pay Amber Carson of Lancaster Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a
soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on
the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
earlier during an argument.
2nd place
Kara Walton of Claymont Delaware sued the owner of a night club
in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.
Walton was trying to sneak out of the window in the Ladies Room to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st place
This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv
Grazinski of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma. Mr Grazinski purchased a brand
new Winnebago motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game,
having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph
and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a
cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
overturned.
Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual
that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000
plus a new Winnebago motor home. The company actually changed its
manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were other complete
morons buying its recreation vehicles.
*I just spent 5 minutes formating that sh!t, and it's all changed... :x *