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More lawyer jokes... (if ya bored) B-)

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  • More lawyer jokes... (if ya bored) B-)

    It's once again time to review the winners of the annual Stella awards.

    The Stellas are named after 81-year-old
    Stella Liebeck, who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
    McDonald 's. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most
    frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

    Unfortunately, the most recent lawsuit
    implicating McDonald's (the teens who allege that eating at
    McDonald's has made them fat) was filed after the 2002 award voting was closed.
    This suit will top the 2003 awards list without question.

    5th place (Tied)
    A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen
    Robertson of Austin Texas $780,000
    after she broke her ankle tripping over a
    toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
    store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
    misbehaving toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

    5th place (Tied)
    19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and
    medicalexpenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr.
    Truman apparently did not notice there was someone at the wheel
    of the car when he was trying to steal the hubcaps.

    5th place (Tied)
    Terrence Dickson of Bristol Pennsylvania
    was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the
    garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic
    door opener was malfunctioning. He could not re-enter the house
    because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
    The family was on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
    garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag
    of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation
    caused him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000

    4th place
    Jerry Williams of Little Rock Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical
    expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door
    neighbor's Beagle dog. The Beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
    The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have
    been a little provoked at the time as Mr. Williams, who had climbed over the
    fence into the yard , was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

    3rd place
    A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to
    pay Amber Carson of Lancaster Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a
    soft drink and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on
    the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
    earlier during an argument.

    2nd place
    Kara Walton of Claymont Delaware sued the owner of a night club
    in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
    floor and knocked out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms.
    Walton was trying to sneak out of the window in the Ladies Room to avoid
    paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

    1st place
    This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv
    Grazinski of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma. Mr Grazinski purchased a brand
    new Winnebago motor home. On his trip home from an OU football game,
    having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph
    and calmly left the driver's seat to go into the back and make himself a
    cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and
    Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual
    that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000
    plus a new Winnebago motor home. The company actually changed its
    manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were other complete
    morons buying its recreation vehicles.

    *I just spent 5 minutes formating that sh!t, and it's all changed... :x *
    Aim high and consider yourself worthy of great things