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  • Sibling relations

    So, I have two brothers.
    We're worlds apart in most things- attitudes/opinions, work life, social views, friends and every other thing you could imagine.

    I'm thirty. I have realized last night that I will never get along with them. We're just too different.
    And it wasn't for lack of trying.

    Do you get along with your siblings? Was there a point that you realized that you love them, but don't like them?

    I'm having a bit of a dilemma here where I'm starting to think that I'm the issue. My views are more left wing, where theirs I would argue are far right. I'm not easily angered, where they will fly off the handle at the drop of a hat.
    Physically I've always been smaller than them, and growing up it was always them vs me. That continues today.

    I have a white collar job, they are blue. They tell me I don't have a real job. That no one needs me. World will turn whether I work or not, where as everyone needs their professions.

    I guess I'm just asking whether this is normal. I wanted to be able to turn up at their homes and have a beer on a Friday arvo. But I don't think that can happen. We're simply moving further apart, and I think that's sad.

    There's more to this story but I'll spare specific details. Just know that it's reached a head and I'm not putting up with any of it anymore.

    So PSB, has this happened to you? Does it get easier with time? Does time really heal all wounds? It's taken 30 years, but I'm calling time.

  • #2
    Last contact i had with my sister was in 1976.
    I don't have any other siblings.
    Saw my dad last year just hours before he died. I was the only family to visit him.
    Some families just don't stand the test of time.

    S.
    Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

    Comment


    • #3
      Yep, we aren't really that close - mostly due to age and distance but also attitudes to life.
      We are nice enough to each other, but I was in the situation you described above, then I would draw the line too.
      Some families are like the Brady Bunch, some hate each other and most are somewhere in between.

      You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family.
      If you keep trying to explain it with logic and facts you will possibly end up hurting your sanity.

      Comment


      • #4
        My eldest brother cut off ties with me in 2012 (?) because I "didn't visit him soon enough" when his wife had a baby.
        My middle brother doesn't make the effort to see me since 2014 (?) because I yelled at his kid for spitting on my daughter and he and (mostly) his wife took issue with that. It's like "The Slap" on sedatives.

        Like you say, there's more to the story. I'd love to feel comfortable rocking up at either brothers house for a beer but I know I'm not welcome at one, and not warmly welcomed at the other. That's the life we're given. I've dropped hints plenty of times to my mum that it'd be nice to hear from or see my eldest but hint returned - she probably knows it's not gonna happen so doesn't even try.

        Comment


        • #5
          Have 2 bros and a sister. They are 14, 12 and 10 years older.

          Idolised my bros until about 30 or so when I realised the mugs dont give a shit about much. Still love them heaps but rarely catch up.

          My sister pissed me off when young. Tried hard much of my adult life to keep it amicable but in my late 30s we're back to "she pisses me off" so dont catch up much.

          Bloods thicker than water so we all stand ready to help each other out but small doses seem to be best.

          Annoys me greatly that I have friends that make more effort than some family members.

          Leads me to a saying that a buddy I met on a FiJi cruise had tattooed on his arm:

          "Friends are the family you choose"
          Its all good on Ducati's

          Comment


          • #6
            Family are what they are, family. You didnt choose them but they are blood. I respect that but have given up putting effort in for no return.
            I speak to my dad about 2-3 times a year, simply because he has the inability to communicate with humans. Where my sister is too self absorbed to ever think about putting family before her friends. The fights we had when younger were epic, i'm talking knives and baseball bats and blood and smashed doors.
            I have seen and been at other family functions where it is one big happy event and it was a complete other world that i didnt belong in. Whereas my cousin who lives in vic has been a brother to me my whole life and i couldnt have picked a better mate.
            Today i have my boys and me together in my house and for now that is all i need.
            Knowledge without mileage equals bullshit.

            "The feelings mutual so kindly fuck off"

            Comment


            • #7
              Yeah I think I had this Brady Bunch view in my head of what it should be like...
              Good to know it's not uncommon. Just wish things had been different.
              I blamed my parents for a long while regarding this situation. But I eventually saw that they (my brothers) are a product of their social environment, that my folks did the absolute best they could with what they had, and to not hold any grudges against anyone.
              As was said, blood is thicker than water...
              Thanks PSB...

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm 21 and my sister is 23, and all I can think is if we haven't learned to get along in that time it'll never happen. We don't get along because she's more like my dad and I'm more like my mum, so we're polar opposites. It's sad, but I think when my mum passes away that we wont be talking ever again because like others in this thread we are just too different. I've tried, it doesn't work, there's no point forcing something that wont ever happen.
                Rest in Peace

                #294

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by SIKYSA View Post
                  So, I have two brothers.
                  We're worlds apart in most things- attitudes/opinions, work life, social views, friends and every other thing you could imagine.

                  I'm thirty. I have realized last night that I will never get along with them. We're just too different.
                  And it wasn't for lack of trying.

                  Do you get along with your siblings? Was there a point that you realized that you love them, but don't like them?

                  I'm having a bit of a dilemma here where I'm starting to think that I'm the issue. My views are more left wing, where theirs I would argue are far right. I'm not easily angered, where they will fly off the handle at the drop of a hat.
                  Physically I've always been smaller than them, and growing up it was always them vs me. That continues today.

                  I have a white collar job, they are blue. They tell me I don't have a real job. That no one needs me. World will turn whether I work or not, where as everyone needs their professions.

                  I guess I'm just asking whether this is normal. I wanted to be able to turn up at their homes and have a beer on a Friday arvo. But I don't think that can happen. We're simply moving further apart, and I think that's sad.

                  There's more to this story but I'll spare specific details. Just know that it's reached a head and I'm not putting up with any of it anymore.

                  So PSB, has this happened to you? Does it get easier with time? Does time really heal all wounds? It's taken 30 years, but I'm calling time.
                  Which one of you was the milkman son

                  Can't choose your relatives but you are generally stuck growing up with them. After that you have a choice. Don't see why you need to put in anymore effort that with anyone else you wouldn't choose to have in your life but do at the very least try keep any interactions civil so at least you have the option of a family Xmas without resorting to carving knives before the Turkey is ready.
                  The Bend

                  Hurry Up!!!

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Meh... Family are people, just because you're related to each other doesn't mean you have to get along.
                    There are members of my family that I rarely get to see, that I miss... Some who live just around the corner, I never see and don't care if that changes or not.
                    All I've got and more for #294...RIP Chris Adley
                    #158...RIP James Thompson

                    Originally posted by Ryanoceros
                    Wooohoo !! Fucking 10/10 ride. Cheers for that Aari, you really conditioned my sphincter

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      When I was young, most of my friends came from Large families.

                      6 or 7 kids.. They always looked after each other and helped around the house.

                      Did the usual kids fights things, but always forgot about it by the days end.

                      That was before Iphones, Electronic Games and the Do Gooders ideas

                      of how a family should be.

                      The kids respected their elders, the law, other peoples property and still had fun.

                      Now days there is too much MEEEEISM...

                      I don't have to work for it, I have rights,I can get it on Credit, or steal someone elses, there is no consequences.

                      All people think about is themselves and what they can get out of it. To have more than everyone else.

                      And the sad part is they Can't see what they are doing wrong because society just accepts it.
                      Last edited by TROUBLE; 27-03-2016, 11:31 AM.
                      What You See

                      Isn't always what you get

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Haven't talked to my older sister in 3 years because she's a basket case. My younger brother and I have nothing in common so don't speak much either. It is what it is.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          my brother is only 4 years older than me but we are more like a generation apart. his kids are grown up, mine are in primary school. we are chalk and cheese and now there is little in common ground in anything else. we also seem not to be talking now, and for quite some time. i honestly don't know why, i can only come up with that he has been more materialistically competitive as the older brother and more comfortable when he is clearly better off than me. Ive learnt long ago not to care of such comparisons, it is what it is.

                          Whilst Im not happy with the situation and where it will end, Ive tried to hold out the olive branch thru the old lady but as others have said effort at no return. So as an adult I have drawn a line in the sand and said "that all stops with me, I will take the blame if you want. I will not repeat the past" learnt the lesson and now have one more thing I will do my utmost not to let happen to me and my kids.

                          but what is normal family life? It rarely is in reality what you see on TV as what it should be.
                          I cant help it if your perceptions don't match my reality


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Thread reminds me... little brother's birthday tomorrow... better pop round and say g'day 😊

                            Complicated stuff, you can end up not talking to each other because life got in the way or because of a disagreement, you can make the effort to change that or decide is not worth the effort, having the same parents as someone else doesn't mean you're going to be compatible personalities.
                            Do you remember the good old days before the internet?

                            when arguments were only entered into by the physically or intellectually able.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              got a sister- we have nothing in common, except that we share power of attorney over our mother's affairs. And even that becomes frickin impossible at times.

                              I'm now 61, shit really went downhill when she went fully fundamentalist Catholic bout 25 years ago. That opened up a chasm between her and the rest of the family.

                              Once our mum's gone, I doubt we'll see each other again.....
                              Last edited by peter600; 27-03-2016, 01:52 PM.
                              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pale_Blue_Dot

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