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Who To See About A Resumé and Cover Letter?

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  • Who To See About A Resumé and Cover Letter?

    I’ve always had a passion for providing for the homeless and hungry.

    I pursue this by preventing myself from being homeless and hungry.

    This ongoing desire for shelter and food is currently requiring an injection of funds.

    My initial plan of going to law courts, locating drug dealers and suggesting that they give me all of their money before asset confiscation laws kick in hasn't been as successful as I'd like.

    I’m considering exploring extremely desperate measures such as getting a job.

    Having pretty much always been self-employed in some way, this is an extremely foreign concept to me.

    I keep reading strange words such as “resumé” and “cover letter”.

    Apparently just calling up and asking what time to start tomorrow doesn’t cover it. WTF. There’s some weird shit out there.

    Although I’ve got no problem with writing a piss-funny resume and cover letter, I also have a sneaking suspicion that my sharp wit, endearing personality and general outright awesomeness will need to be conveyed in such a manner that will actually get the stupid job.

    Apparently mailing a photo with a phone number on the back doesn’t quite cover it, either.

    As I’ve been procrastinating about this for a while, I might need to consider getting some outside assistance to a) make sure that I actually get off my arse and get it done, and b) utilise fancy-pants bullshit words that convince HR people that I really am the most legendary person they’ll ever come across.

    So, who’s the go-to person for this sales pitchy sort of crap?

    Suggestions from HR people are also welcome.
    One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

    My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

  • #2
    I had forum member [MENTION=10741]Rider[/MENTION] (Sasha) do my resume a few weeks back. Very happy with the results. He will meet with you in person to discuss everything or in my case we talked over the phone for an hour as I wasn't able to find the time to meet with him.

    This is his website.

    http://www.winwinresumes.com.au/

    Comment


    • #3
      At TAFE when I had to write resumes I would put an ad on gumtree advertising for the position I was actually going for, got the best bits that other people had written, and then did my own. Work smart, not hard
      Rest in Peace

      #294

      Comment


      • #4
        ^^^^^

        Darstardly, but very resourceful. [inserts thumbs up here as my iSad seems not to be able to]

        Is there also an easier way to get a weekly wage as well, but without having to actually turn up for work? Seems employment has a habit of interrupting my leisure time.
        Sventek, being a predominantly lazy fuck can you please purchase some for me, bring me the stuff, create something I want after you think of it for me then clean my house, wash my car, dog, bike breathe for me.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by ReCon View Post

          Darstardly, but very resourceful
          but also very cunty - we've all applied for jobs where they already have someone in mind and are merely advertising because they're obliged to, or retract the ad after you've applied etc. Result = feel very cheated and that it was a great waste of time, but maybe there was some slim chance your job app may get looked at. Job applications have to rate up there with some of the most excruciating things to do...

          Good luck Phildo, you'll be a great asset to someone.

          Comment


          • #6
            If you feed the homeless to the hungry , you can solve both problems

            What sort of work you looking for [MENTION=5421]Phildo[/MENTION] , Not all jobs are advertised

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Kristy View Post
              but also very cunty - we've all applied for jobs where they already have someone in mind and are merely advertising because they're obliged to, or retract the ad after you've applied etc. Result = feel very cheated and that it was a great waste of time, but maybe there was some slim chance your job app may get looked at. Job applications have to rate up there with some of the most excruciating things to do...

              Good luck Phildo, you'll be a great asset to someone.
              But any more Cunty than paying someone else to do your reshoom? Same result where your style is plagiarised by another for a fee, instead of doing the same yourself ,but in a different manner.

              As per the applications for jobs advertised with fluff as content, maybe just move on to another ad where it appears to have actual substance.
              After needing a job a few years ago, I went through the pay for a resume' ringer and did the email to X employment group, ect.

              Result was pretty well as expected, a top class waste of time. Instead I threw the 'shop 'bought' item and took the piss out of myself , but with a modicum of substantial information that the resume contained.
              My employer at the time just had to call to see if I was actually serious about the position advertised, as my application was so unusual. Did the interview and started the week after.

              Seems it go singled out as a bit different than the other robot resume's or the illegible ones that normally get handed in...

              Perhaps a nude phot of #Phildo and a contact number may actually net him a nice possie in the Gumbmint doing fuck all and having a nice little earner to see him out?
              Sventek, being a predominantly lazy fuck can you please purchase some for me, bring me the stuff, create something I want after you think of it for me then clean my house, wash my car, dog, bike breathe for me.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by ReCon View Post
                Instead I threw the 'shop 'bought' item and took the piss out of myself , but with a modicum of substantial information that the resume contained.
                My employer at the time just had to call to see if I was actually serious about the position advertised, as my application was so unusual. Did the interview and started the week after.

                Seems it go singled out as a bit different than the other robot resume's or the illegible ones that normally get handed in...
                That's part of the conundrum. Chuck in some personality. Might score brownie points, or might make the HR person think that I'm not taking it seriously.

                I'm also guessing that going through shitloads of resumés must be an incredibly boring task. Personally, I reckon a bit of personality would be a good move, but there's also a slight risk to it.

                The resumé that I've got in mind so far:

                Name: Phil

                Attributes: Fuckin' awesome.

                Phone: 0418 922 500

                I reckon that pretty much covers it, but there seems to be a whole lot of bureaucracy that insists that I fill out an entire page. What a waste.

                Originally posted by ReCon View Post
                Perhaps a nude phot of #Phildo and a contact number may actually net him a nice possie in the Gumbmint doing fuck all and having a nice little earner to see him out?
                Phildo - Head Dictator.

                Does have a nice sound to it.
                One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

                My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Skills:

                  Driving cars.
                  Knowing where to get a good kebab at 4am.
                  Finger blasting 22 year olds who forgot their purse in the backseat.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by keys View Post
                    What sort of work you looking for Phildo , Not all jobs are advertised
                    Full-time stay-at-home dad for my cat would be ideal. Doesn't pay enough, though.

                    I'm a night person, so anything that involves arising from bed before midday isn't looking promising.

                    Gonna have a go at driving Transperth buses. I've spoken to various drivers - they're all rather happy and completely oblivious to the current economic conditions. That seems like the sort of rort to be in right now.
                    One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

                    My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      In this current market a good résumé may get you an interview which will give you a chance to show off your personality and tell them how good you are!! Heaps of people doing resumes can look on gumtree or google it and get a template, not that hard it's all bout the right format.
                      name, dob,education, training, previous employment, references etc bout that order
                      No road to rough no muff to tough.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I've given up looking for a job, I've been in this one so long previous employers have either sold out to larger companies or the people I've worked with have died of old age.

                        Trying to get a decent reference from my current employer is a waste of time because they don't want me to leave....
                        Do you remember the good old days before the internet?

                        when arguments were only entered into by the physically or intellectually able.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Here is one I prepared earlier

                          Feel free to edit to your liking

                          "To Whom It May Concern

                          It would be a pleasure to meet with you so that I might demonstrate how my abilities fit your needs precisely.

                          As you’ll see on the enclosed resume, here you add your 2c worth
                          What my resume does not reveal is my professional appearance. In a business environment, these qualities are of the utmost importance in dealing with clients as well as co-workers. In me, you’ll discover a reliable, detail-oriented and extremely hard-working person, ¾one who is loyal to the company and who will serve as a model to encourage other staff members to demonstrate the same high standard of work ethics

                          I can promise that meeting with me will not be a waste of your time—and I will make myself available at your convenience, during or outside of normal business hours.To Whom It May Concern

                          It would be a pleasure to meet with you so that I might demonstrate how my abilities fit your needs precisely.


                          As you’ll see on the enclosed resume, I over 5 year experience in purchasing, local and international, and I have a lot to offer your firm
                          What my resume does not reveal is my professional appearance. In a business environment, these qualities are of the utmost importance in dealing with clients as well as co-workers. In me, you’ll discover a reliable, detail-oriented and extremely hard-working person, ¾one who is loyal to the company and who will serve as a model to encourage other staff members to demonstrate the same high standard of work ethics

                          I can promise that meeting with me will not be a waste of your time—and I will make myself available at your convenience, during or outside of normal business hours."
                          Originally posted by SIR sparks a lot
                          remember opinions are like assholes everybody will have one
                          Here lies the body of Dorian Grey
                          Who died while defending his right of way;
                          He was right, oh so right, as he journeyed along
                          But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong


                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Yakka View Post
                            In this current market a good résumé may get you an interview which will give you a chance to show off your personality and tell them how good you are!!
                            That's the objective.

                            Get in the front door.

                            Then we can discuss how much they'll pay me, and whether or not I'll accept their begging for me to work for them.

                            A lot of taxi guys have been moving to driving Transperth buses lately. Apparently the three Transperth contractors also like hiring ex-taxi guys.

                            I still haven't the foggiest idea what I wanna do when I grow up, but that would appear to be the next logical move right now.

                            What's got me intrigued is the attitude of the drivers that I've spoken to. They actually like their job. They're happy. Blimey, I'm bloody miserable. So, it's also about making a move to improve my lifestyle and general attitude.

                            But, they're also being bombarded with applications right now. I need to establish my outstanding awesomeness effectively. Hence also practicing using excessive bullshit words with way too many syllables.
                            One owner. Only driven gently on Sundays. Sold to best offer. First to see will buy. Reward offered for safe return. Coming soon to a cinema near you. Available for a limited time only.

                            My waterbed broke this morning. Oh, I don't have a waterbed. Bugger.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by ReCon View Post
                              But any more Cunty than paying someone else to do your reshoom? Same result where your style is plagiarised by another for a fee, instead of doing the same yourself ,but in a different manner.
                              Yes - though I see where you're coming from with respect to the bigger picture. In one instance (I'll let you guess which one ), one is a paid service enlisting help from someone with far greater skills in that area than yourself and both parties know what the end result/outcome will be. The aim is to polish a turd in exchange for $ (cue: Homer - money can be exchanged for goods and services). The other is by deceit and is knowingly wasting someone's time and effort with there being no outcome for the 'contributors' - there never was going to be an outcome for said contributors. This isn't a turd, it's a shart

                              It may of course be a troll by 2hektik4u Ryanoceros...

                              Comment

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