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Junk Mail & Telemarketing Tips

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  • Junk Mail & Telemarketing Tips

    Revenge on the telemarketers and junk mailers

    Three Little Words That Work !!

    (1) The three little words : "Hold On, Please..."
    Saying this, while putting down your phone and walking off (instead of hanging-up immediately) would make each telemarketing call so much more time-consuming that boiler room sales would grind to a halt.
    Then when you eventually hear the Telstra's "beep-beep-beep" tone, you know it's time to go back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.

    These three little words will help eliminate telephone soliciting.

    (2) Do you ever get those annoying phone calls with no one on the other end?
    This is a telemarketing technique where a machine makes phone calls and records the time of day when a person answers the phone.
    This technique is used to determine the best time of day for a "real"
    sales person to call back and get someone at home.

    What you can do after answering, if you notice there is no one there, is to immediately start hitting your # button on the phone, 6 or 7 times, as quickly as possible. This confuses the machine that dialled the call and it kicks your number out of their system. Gosh, what a shame not to have your name in their system any longer !!!

    (3) Junk Mail Help:

    When you get "ads" enclosed with your phone or utility bill, return these "ads" with your payment. Let the sending companies throw their own junk mail away.

    When you get those "pre-approved" letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and similar type junk, do not throw away the return envelope.

    Most of these come with postage-prepaid return envelopes, right?

    It costs them more than the regular 50 cents postage "IF" and when they receive them back.

    It costs them nothing if you throw them away! In that case, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little, postage-prepaid return envelopes.

    If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them.

    You can even send the envelope back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing! It still costs them $1.00 .

    The banks and credit card companies are currently getting a lot of their own junk back in the mail, but folks, we need to OVERWHELM them. Let's let them know what it's like to get lots of junk mail, and best of all they're paying for it...Twice!

    Let's help keep Australia Post busy since they are saying that e-mail is cutting into their business profits, and that's why they need to increase postage costs again. You get the idea !

    If enough people follow these tips, it will work----- maybe you'll get very little junk mail anymore.
    Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill

  • #2
    I have been sending random crap back to companies with their free envelopes for years.
    Why waste them?

    I also reccomend asking what colour panties someone is wearing when they ring you and try and sell you shit.


    • #3
      Next time you get a telemarketing call, try telling them that this is a business number. That particular company should de-list you.


      • #4
        When I was much younger, I did a short stint of telemarketing, of which I'm deeply sorry now. And I can tell you that the best way to piss off one is to let your 3 year old answer the phone.

        The typical call went like this:
        Kid: hello
        Telemarketer: hi, is you mummy or daddy home?
        Kid: yes
        Telemarketer: Can I speak to them please

        At this point the kid puts the phone down, and always gets distracted before finding a parent, leaving you hanging on the line.

        Maybe everyone needs to learn how to sound like a 3 year old!
        For LAMS information and resources -
        For LAMS discussion and to ask questions -


        • #5
          I was a telemarketer for a short time too. Only lasted a week. Worst job ever.

          Anyway, I think the best way to annoy telemarketers is to listen politely to their story (read: do something else while saying "hmm" every now and then) then when they try to put the sell on you just say no. The longer you keep them on the line the less sales they make. I had one really pushy guy call me back three times before he gave up.


          • #6
            I saw a post on the net somewhere along a similar lines....except it had a funnier twist.

            The guy decided that he would return to a credit card company (in their self addressed, reply paid envelope), all the other vouchers and crap he didnt want.
            He also included 6 pennies. (pommy or american I'm not sure)

            The reason for the few coins was that it bumps the postage cost up and the company gets charged extra on the return mail!

            He obviously didnt send it annonymously so the credit card company rang him up.... all abusive about doing what he did and them getting charged extra postage!

            The guy obviously had quick wits about him and when it was explained that the 6 pennies caused the extra postage costs, he exclaimed that the coins were his and were'nt meant to be in the envelope! He demanded them to give the coins back because they were his property. He was passed up the supervisor/manager chain (pissing more people off in the process! ) and eventually managed to get them so send a cheque back for 6 pennies!

            He said he didnt cash it, but instead had the cheque framed and is hanging on his wall.


            • #7
              I once worked for a company that did this kind of stuff, some of you might have gotten their junk mail too. We had a bunch of girls opening all the incoming mail sent back from 'customers' and there was some nasty stuff in there.

              Some people would send back comics cut out of the newspaper, other peoples advertising and sometimes porn. We got an entire battery sent to us once, I have no idea how that was paid for. Some envelopes were stuffed with toenail clippings, another one was filled with shit. (The entire office found out about this one when a loud shrill scream was heard throughout the entire floor).

              Now if you're doing it for laughs, you've succeeded. But if you're trying to piss off the people that mastermind these spam campaigns - you've done absolutely f**k all. Not that I'm trying to discourage you


              • #8
                Some envelopes were stuffed with toenail clippings, another one was filled with shit. (The entire office found out about this one when a loud shrill scream was heard throughout the entire floor).

                I used to work for a local government and someone sent in a parcel full of dog s*** coz they were annoyed about their parking infringement. the only problem was they sent it on a friday and the monday just happened to be a public holiday...the mail was disgusting by tuesday, even Aust Post complained about it!


                • #9
                  oh i've got a telemarketer on hold right now
                  poor bugger they really do have a shite job
                  but maybe they'll stop calling


                  • #10
                    I had optus call me about their new mobile deals and being familiar with vodafone and having the info card next to me, I kept going on about how vodafone was sooo much better ect. In the end i had the chick agreeing that vodafone was better which it is!

                    I also had some indian guy call me and try to sell me shit, i always just say yep, hmmm, uhuh, ect. for a while then end the call with something like..."ive got to go im on fire whilst riding a bike" in an english accent just to be random. shits and giggles i guess.
                    support honest cops, theres not many left


                    • #11
                      Print and try this out next time they call.

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                      • #12
                        sounds like a good idea to me ill have to print that out


                        • #13
                          I just listen, when they finish there sentance and take a breath usually its so the person can say no thanks. But just say yep, and they keep going and going and going. Till they say so can i sign you up and you say no thankyou have a nice day... but but but. I love to argue so i argue the fact that what theyre selling obviously is shit cos they have to ring people to buy it. They get the point and 10 minutes later after them talking almost non stop and thinking theyre getting a sell, NOTHING! I love it.

                          Will be trying the sending shit back one!!! That is awesome idea.


                          • #14
                            Before they can launch into their sales speil .... I always say Im too busy packing to talk right now .. But Im REALLLLLLY interested in what ever they are selling and could they call back in a week/fortnight/month watever.

                            They do ... and I repeat step one ....

                            and again ..

                            and again ..

                            and again ..

                            I once had a guy ring back 7 times over 3 months ... I never found out what he was selling tho ..
                            Some say he eats sidchrome for breakfast

                            Some say he only showers on even days of the week

                            Some say he put an R1 motor in a coffee machine

                            All we know is he's Hewie.


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Tyson@Oct 3 2005, 08:20 PM
                              Print and try this out next time they call.

                              THats gold, I&#39;m going to do this next time we get an unwelcome caller... I get them all the time at work and I usually tell them our headoffice is in sydney and give them a number that I have found to always be engaged.. or I tell them I&#39;m not interested, that usually works thou I have had some irate callers ... jerks <_<

                              But this is waaaaaaay better and sounds more fun too!!